THE LIFE OF US!

What a Year.

2010-12-23T21:29:00.006+11:00

Before I start ... its been so long since I've done an entry I had almost forgotten how to re post.

Well 2010 is almost over and what a year it has been. It literally has been life changing for me.

I said at the beginning of the year that 2010 was going to be the year for me or the year of me, or perhaps I said that about my 30's? Well either way it has.

2010 had its up and to be honest I cannot think of down. You could say that losing my mother (whom I love and was ever so close to) could be considered a 'down' but you know what. It wasn't. In fact this was the beginning of my 'up'.

I feel closer to my mum now than I ever have and not a day goes by when I don't think of her but its never with sadness. Only love. I don't even know if I miss my mum. This might sound strange to some but I don't. I have the most treasured memories and I have her in my heart, nothing can take that away from me. If I were to 'miss' anything it would be the making of new memories. But you cannot miss something that hasn't happened yet or that exist. If you understand what I'm saying.

2010 was most definitely the most life changing, empowering year I have had in my entire life. I have a zest for life I have never had before and I cannot wait for 2011.

To sum up the past 6 months is hard but to put it simply is as though I have finally woken up and have been born again.

I absolutely love life. Every day is a gift not a given right. Enjoy it.

Until next time

Nicole xox

*** I have just re read over one of my first entries of the year regarding 2010. I will re post it here

"This decade I believe will be just about me. The decade for me. I have no clue how or why exactly but I hope to discover who I am and what I want out of life.

At the moment and some days I feel as though I’m just plodding along. Don’t get me wrong I’m happy and not at all dissatisfied with my life, in fact I feel very blessed to have everything that I do. I just want more, not in a greedy way but I want more out of me. I guess some will call this finding their purpose in life . Well I want to discover mine. I feel as though I have something to offer and something to give but am holding it in. I want to discover what that is and to be honest I’m hoping it just comes to me as I have no clue what it is and I’m not exactly ‘soul searching’ to look for it."

Well guess what I found it. It did come to me and right when I least expected it. Dreams can come true if you believe as do miracles, Julian Dean is my miracle.

I'm ok.

2010-08-02T20:06:00.003+10:00

~The card I had made~

As many of you may already know and some of you may not. My mother passed away 11 days ago.

I'm ok. I really am. In fact I'm exceptionally well. Yes I have moments but generally I'm ok. I do sometimes question if I'm in denial or why I'm handling it so well, deep down I think I know why I'm ok with it all but I'm not ready to blog about that just yet. That is for my new blog (when I get around to starting it).

I miss my mum incredibly but I also know that this is what she would have wanted. My mother was always either, all, or nothing. If she couldn't live life to the full then I guess she just didn't want to live. I do know that my mum wouldn't have wanted to be that way and I believe she felt as though she was a burden on us. Even in her final days in hospital. She always thought about others and put others before her own needs. Beautiful as it is to do that I really wish she would have put herself first for once.

Telling the boys has been difficult. At first I put it off. Hugh is 4 and my eyes way too young to know about death. I didn't want him to know that life has some not so nice stuff to it. At 4 everything is perfect, everything is incredible, the world is your oyster. I wanted to keep it that way but had to tell him. So I did.

I told him first that Grandma was in hospital and the doctors were trying to fix her. Then I told him that she got too sick and that the doctors couldnt fix her. I then told him sometimes when you get really really old or really really sick and you can't get better than you go away and your gone. You go up to the sky and become the moon and the stars. (I personally didn't want to use this line but what was I to tell him?).

He understood. I think. He sat wide eyed for ages just taking it all in then told Luke that grandma was the moon. I also explained about the funeral and that people will be sad and crying including mummy as we are saying goodbye to Grandma but afterwards we can be happy and have a party. Hugh got so excited about the party it wasn't funny. The whole time he kept saying 'don't be sad, we are having a party'.

I think he knows now however he does forget. Just the other day when I told him we were going to Grandma and pops house (my sister still lives at home) he said 'maybe grandma will be there and she will be better'. I had to explain to him again that she was gone.

I really hope that he has some memory of her. I really do. I know Julian won't remember but I will keep the memory alive, and photos. At least I have photos....

Until next time

Nicole x

Hi Everyone.

2010-07-19T15:15:00.000+10:00

Its been quite some time between posts. Just over a month to be exact and what a month it’s been.

I turned 30, Yep I’ve done it, I’ve entered a whole new decade and you know what? I’m excited. I remember saying that this was the year for me, the year of me, about me. Well I think I’m slowly discovering this (me) and its where I have been all this time and is my reason for lack of entries. I apologise.

I may even start a new blog soon. The blog of me. However this blog is about us, the life of us so I will update on that for now.

Hugh is 4 now. He astonishes me every day with the knowledge he has acquired in his short 4 years of life and every now and then I get snippets of the man he will become. He is eager to learn, eager to be big and absolutely loves his brother.

Julian. If there ever was a polar opposite to Hugh it would be Julian. My boys are so different yet similar. Julian is 21 months and is approaching two. I think this time in Julians life is a little difficult as he is becoming more aware of his place in this world and therefore may be entering the ‘terrible twos’ as people call them. I however do not see this as terrible at all. In fact I find it so darn hilarious and cute! Julian is so placid and easy going that it is against his nature to be ‘terrible’ so when he does it even shocks him and he quickly retracts.

Luke. Luke is Luke, I don’t often update on him and perhaps I should more. He is still enjoying the work he is doing though I feel he undermines his own talent and undervalues himself. He has so much potential if only he had the confidence in himself to do so.

Luke and I. We are actually considering buying another house can you believe it? I simply cannot. Well I can as it is so us to do this. We don’t tell anyone we are looking at buying, in fact we aren’t even looking then all of sudden will look at house, love it, want it as ours and move in. The latest is another house nearby that is absolutely MASSIVE and by massive, I mean MASSIVE. 5 bedrooms, double the size of our house now, extra living space, huge. It excites me yet at the same time scares the life out of me. Can you imagine cleaning a house of such size? Sheesh!

I guess we will see what happens there.

Me. As I said I’ve been undergoing some serious renovation on myself in the past few months and its where I have been spending most my time. I’m discovering the real me and who I am and I’m loving every second of it. So I aplogise for my lack of entries, I’m still here and all is well with my family.

I hope to update again soon. In the meantime keep well.

Until next time

Nicole x

Happy Birthday Hugh

2010-06-18T22:09:00.003+10:00

Wow. Four. My youngest son turned four today and what a fun day it was.

A year or two ago it was just another day with a present thrown in but today at 4 years old a birthday is a real event and Hugh was on a high from the moment he woke up until the moment he fell to sleep.

~ One of my favourite photos of us.
Taken when Hugh was around the age Julian is now - 20mths~

xxx Happy Birthday Hugh. I love you more than you will ever know xxx

I know this entry is short and I promise to update again soon but I wanted to quickly post a Happy Birthday entry to Hugh whom I started this diary for way back when I was 7 weeks pregnant.

Hugh. I love you with all that I am.

Mum xox

Two

2010-05-27T21:02:00.004+10:00

I'm not one to gloat and rarely like to talk about how advanced or wonderful my child is for achieving a certain milestone etc however I just have to blog this.

Julian doesn't say that much however in the past month his vocab has expanded from around 3 words to probably close to 10 and he will very often repeat what we say. However compared to other children his age (and compared to Hugh at his age) he hardly speaks at all. Its just Julian though, he is a 'quiet' guy.

I've known for some time that Julian is different, like he has been here before. So many things some which I really should have blogged about. In particular the golf club, he picked up a golf club at around 10 months (when he was able to walk) and went and found the golf ball (not any ball but a golf ball) and hit it. Normal swing, as a golfer would. Spooky.

However tonight wasn't really spooky it just shocked me.

I was telling Luke when he got home that Julian can now walk down the stairs forwards, as in one foot in front of the other. As soon as I said "one" Julian held up two fingers and said "two".

Luke and I just looked at each other. Luke looked at me with the look of 'did he just say that' and I gave Luke the same look.

So I said it again "One" and Julian again held up two fingers and said "two".

We just laughed but I almost turned white. I then said "three" and I swear he said "four" however that wasn't as clear as the two. I have been doing it all night. I cannot believe he knows that two comes after one!

Perhaps its normal for his age but it really shocked me.

I'm not saying my child is a genius as genius he is not. However there is something about Julian and I have blogged this before but I just know Julian has walked this earth before. Some times the things he does and knows are just too advanced for someone of his age.

Perhaps I'll try him with the alphabet tomorrow - kidding.

Until next time

Nicole x

Ear Infections!

2010-05-20T14:58:00.002+10:00

Ear Infections. They get me every time.

I actually drafted an entry at work Tuesday about poor Julian and his teething, how wrong was I? My poor little man was not teething however was suffering a nasty viral infection of his nose, throat and ears.

I actually took Monday off work as Sunday he was off and he was up all Sunday night, however Tuesday I thought he was on the mend. How wrong was I? He had a fever, was worse and I had made the mistake of going to work. Which I might add I'm over doing. I'm over putting work before my children, they don't appreciate it. I know it.

In future my children come first. I just always feel slack for taking days off when I only work 3 days a week and I always worry how I'm perceived. No longer will I.

Anyway my poor littlest of men was not well at all. To make matters worse his childcare centre was unable to administer panadol due to their policys. So he had to stick it out until 5pm!!

When I picked up I thought I'd check his ears as I had the thought whilst driving home that the pain might not be from teething. Although he had green poos, and was pulling at his ears the fever was telling me otherwise. One look at his ear and I knew. It was covered in puss and was full with dried blood. You couldn't even see the hole in his ear. It had obviously blown.

He is such a tough boy but my poor innocent little Julian who never cries or whinges. EVER. Honestly he does not. I am so very blessed with this child.

Julian now seems to be on the mend. He is sleeping better and today hasn't appeared to be in pain.

I hate giving him antibiotics but sometimes they are needed. This is one of those times.

Until next time

Nicole.

Bloggers Without Makeup.

2010-05-14T14:25:00.002+10:00

Apparently today is "Bloggers Without Make up" Day so I thought I'd join in.

~Bare Natural Me~

I love make up and will always wear it when I go to work and you would never catch me without make up at work. However, on a weekend, or at home, you'll find me oh so natural. I like to give my poor aging face (I'm 30 in a month!!) a break so weekends or days at home it is.

In fact, lately I'm even venturing out without make up. Ok, ok, I do apply some mascara and some lip gloss but as far as I'm concerned thats a naked face!!

I'm surprisingly comfortable with that to. I'm actually starting to appreciate my bare naked face, yes I have freckles but they remind me of my youth. Yes I'm starting to see those lines around my eyes, but they remind me of my age and how far I've come, then there are the laugh lines around my mouth starting to appear and they remind me of all the laughter I have shared.

So as its Bloggers without Make up Day, why don't you post your bare beautiful face.

Until next time

Nicole x

My Daughter.

2010-05-12T15:48:00.000+10:00

Reading an entry recently of my all time favourite blogger, mother, friend and author to be made me realise just how much I wanted, expected and still do, yearn for my daughter.

I think its time I blogged about it.

I guess I haven’t mentioned it before because I didn’t want to accept it and in a way I thought admitting to wanting a girl would somehow be misread for “I didn’t want my boys and am disappointed that they were boys” not true. I love my boys very much, too much in fact and I couldn’t possibly think of life without them however I feel as though something is missing. My daughter.

I was convinced Hugh was going to be a girl, why? Because I have always wanted a daughter, always just knew I would have a daughter and Luke was so darn sure that we were having a girl and even though we didn’t find out and had nothing to tell us otherwise, Luke refused to call our baby in utero anything but a she. Poor Hugh. You can imagine our surprise when Hugh was born and we hear “Its a boy”. I remember the feeling that rushed through me, I will never forget it. It was shock, it was almost a disbelief as if I’d heard wrong, was in a dream or they were lying to me. I also remember a few days after he was born looking around the hospital and seeing blue everything. Blue ribbons, blue teddy bears, Its a boy cards, blue flowers even. I remember thinking that this can’t be. This is all wrong, everyone has made a mistake, its meant to be pink. To admit how certain I was, I had even packed a beautiful pink jumpsuit for her to wear home. We didn’t know what we were having and I honestly bought all neutral items except for this one jumpsuit and some beautiful pink ribboned booties. I still have them.

When I fell pregnant the second time again I was convinced that my daughter was coming to me. I had Hugh and now it was her turn. When we fell pregnant we had also (not intentionally) used the shettles method. I also looked up the Chinese gender calendar which was right with Hugh so therefore I considered it gospel, it told me i was having a girl so it had to be a girl.

During the first 20 weeks of my pregnancy with Julian, Luke and I both believe it was a girl however we couldn’t agree on a name at all. We were both lost for names however Julian Dean was agreed on before I had hit 12 weeks. That should have been my sign there and then however I was still in denial. I wasn’t going to find out the sex as I wanted it to be a fantastic surprise when I heard the words “Its a girl” but I started to think more about it and was just too damn anxious to wait. I wanted to know NOW that I was getting my daughter. So we found out. We found out in the first 2mins of the scan, Julian was very co operative.

The rest of the scan was a blur as I felt really upset and angry at the feelings I was experiencing. I was supposed to be happy and experiencing joy however I wasn’t. I was disappointed, angry and upset and I felt guilty about it. Luke too was upset, he didn’t admit it but the sound in his voice when I said “Luke its a boy” and he said “oh” the sound of that “oh” was one of disappointment. It’s so horrible to remember and admit. Luke was going to leave the scan early as it was getting late and he had to get Hugh but what we were told next changed everything. Julian wasn’t well. He had a mass in his lung.

I truly believe that perhaps that was fates way of making us see a different side of Julian and the miracle that is creating life. It doesn’t matter the sex, as long as it’s healthy. I even wrote an entry ‘As long as it’s healthy’.

Throughout my pregnancy with Julian I never did worry or put too much thought into him being a boy as all I wanted was for him to be born breathing. When he was born there was none of the feelings I had felt with Hugh and I’m thankful for that.

Since he has been born I haven’t felt any desires to have more children. I’m really honestly content with just the two I have. Perhaps I’m just telling myself this because the thought of a third and it being another boy scares me. I guess it scares me because it would mean my dream of a daughter, the girl I had always wanted, if I had another son, would be gone and will never be.

However, I just know she is out there. She really is and I know if the time is right and if she chooses to be with me in this life that she will come to me. At the moment I’m pretty sure she is happy where she is as I’m happy. I’m content. However if that changes perhaps it’s her wanting to join us?

It’s hard to admit this. I may not even post this as I wouldn’t want readers to read this and when or if I fall pregnant with a third think about how disappointed I will be if my third is a boy because if I ever do decide on a third it will be wholeheartedly not to bring my daughter into this world but to bring in my third child, and at the moment I’m not in that place yet. I’m not ready for a third a child. I may never be.

Until next time

Nicole x

Mothers Day 2010 - a first.

2010-05-10T15:40:00.001+10:00

Ok so this isn’t my first day as a mother, in fact this is my 5th Mothers Day. Can you believe it? Wow. However this year was the first year that I felt as though it was a day celebrated for me. Previously and even still I always associate Mothers day with my own mum and Lukes mother. I always forget that I’m a mum too and the day should also be about me.

This year also marked the very first time that I received homemade presents from my boys and I almost cried. In fact I think I did. I have been waiting for years and years for the day when your children start to make you those drawings, cards and gifts that only a mother could love and finally that time has come.

Julian made me a gorgeous 2010 Calendar. I just love it. Hand painted by none other than JD himself. At the top of the Calendar is a photo of Julian holding a sign saying “I love you” and on the back of the calendar are more photos of Julian creating this calendar. I love it!

~Julians Handmade Calendar~

Hugh presented me with a beautiful little pot plant of handmade flowers with feathers. It is the most gorgeous thing I think I have ever received in my whole life.

~Hughs Handmade Flowerpot~

To think that Hugh has been working on this masterpiece for a few months for me just melts my heart. What tipped me over and where I perhaps shed a tear or two was when he walked up to me with his flowerpot. The expression on his face as he handed it to me, well, it broke me. I hadn’t seen this expression on Hugh before, it was an expression so full of pride and love. Oh just the memory of that face makes feel so warm inside.

I love my boys. All of them. I hope that this mothers day is the start of many more handmade gifts to come because they honestly are the best.

Until Next Time

Nicole x

Oh and I also scored a beautiful new clutch bag (chosen by myself) along with even more jewellery in the form of three new bangles and of course Mothers day isn’t Mothers day without a box of chocolates. None other than the delicious Lindt limited addition ones I might add.

If I were...

2010-05-02T11:36:00.010+10:00

If I were a month, I would be September.

If I were a day of the week, I would be Sunday.

If I were a time of the day, I would be 3pm.

If I were a planet, I would be Mars.

If I were an animal, I would be a big loving dog.

If I were a direction, I would be North.

If I were a piece of furniture, I would be a bedside table.

If I were a liquid, I would be something simple like H20.

If I were a gemstone, I would be the rare and fabulous Blue Diamond

If I were a tree, I would be a big oak tree

If I were a tool, I would be superglue (not necessarily a tool but in this house it could be!)

If I were a flower, I would be the small Jasmine flower

If I were a kind of weather, I would be the wind .

If I were a musical instrument, I would be a harmonica

If I were a color, I would be green.

If I were an emotion, I would be hopeful.

If I were a fruit, I would be an apple.

If I were a sound, I would be the laughter of a baby.

If I were an element, I would be Iron.

If I were a car, I would be a luxurious stretch limo.

If I were a food, I would be smooth caramel.

If I were a place, I would be a family home full of love and comfort.

If I were a material, I would be flanelette sheets.

If I were a taste, I would be homemade biscuits.

If I were a scent, I would smell sweet oriental.

If I were an object, I would be a big double bed.

If I were a body part, I would be the lips.

If I were a facial expression, I would be a kiss.

If I were a pair of shoes, I would be a kitten heel.

and if I were you .... I'd give this a go. It really is a lot of fun. Thanks Averil for this wonderful poem or whatever you would call this.

Until next time

Nicole x

Pumpkin Head.

2010-04-27T11:04:00.000+10:00

I just have to blog about the pumpkin head.

What is a pumpkin head? I’m still not entirely sure but according to Hugh both Luke and I are pumpkin heads. I think its Hughs way of insulting us. He however finds it hilarious. every, single, time.

Luke and I will often say “No you’re a pumpkin head” To which Hugh then replies with a serious look on his face “No, I’m a Hugh head” so we will say “Well Julian is a pumpkin head” and Hugh again quite seriously informs us that no, Julian isn’t a pumpkin head because he has a ‘Julian head’.

Its a long running joke in our house. It’s been going for months, at first I thought it was a stage but this pumpkin head joke hasn’t worn thin yet for Hugh. He still finds it just as hilarious as the first time he called us a pumpkin head.

I can’t really complain though, it could be worse and in my time I’m sure I’ve been called a lot worse. However a pumpkin? Of all vegetables he could choose?? It’s funny as until this pumpkin calling thing started I don’t think Hugh was even aware of what a pumpkin was!!

---

Whilst on the topic of name calling Hugh only last week has started something else which made me quite sad. He used a tone towards Julian and it was a teasing tone. You know the “Nah, nana nah nah, I have juice and you don’t, nah nana nah nah” It’s hard to describe without hearing it. It’s a tone that you would use (well as a child you would use it as I hardly walk up to Luke nowadays and say ‘nah nana nah nah, you’re not getting any tonight). It’s such a nasty and teasing way of saying something. It really sadden me to hear it from Hugh, before this everything was fair and even in his life and now comes the reality that life can be cruel and hard. I know he has picked this up from his childcare centre as no doubt some older child has used this tone with him saying that he cannot have something as the other child must have it.

I’m sure all parents feel this way but my heart just sinks when I think of my boys getting picked on or ever being in a situation where they feel inferior and intimidated. I’m sure they will be bullied at least once in their lifetime, it’s a part of life. I just hope they have the confidence in themselves to understand that it is the bully who has the issue and not them...

Until next time

Nicole x

Late Nights.

2010-04-20T14:21:00.001+10:00

Last night Luke almost broke. “Lets put Julian back in our room” he said. I never would have guessed it would be Luke suggesting to put Julian back into our room. If anyone was going to have second thoughts I thought it would have been me. However I stayed strong, Julian has to remain in his room and Hugh and Julian have to learn to coexist.

Perhaps its the novelty of it all? I don’t know but things are different now. I still do the bedtime routine of brushing teeth and books however once it comes to going to sleep Hugh insists on staying awake to talk to Julian no matter how exhausted and tired he is. He will run into his room and out again, sing out to him, just generally anything to keep him from sleeping. Last night Julian lost the battle to sleep at around 9pm even with Hugh singing and yelling at him from next door so not too bad, but the previous 2 nights he was up just as late! The only positive in all this is that Julian has been sleeping through due to pure exhaustion I think Woo hoo. I’m yet to venture down to the other end of the house at some god crazy hour attending to Julian. I’m sure once this happens I’ll change my mind about him being in his own room and so far away from me.

It is time though, he is 18 months ... hang on ... just realised Julian is 18 months today. Must do another entry on my gorgeous little spud turning 18 months.

It is lonely in our room now and both Luke and I have noticed the difference. Our room feels empty and as though it’s missing something. It is really hard to put your finger on and describe the feeling but its like an energy is missing, that energy being Julian however he is 18 months now and I think its time he has his own room. I also know it won’t be long until his cot turns into a bed as he is already showing signs of climbing out his cot. I give him a maximum of 6 more months in that cot (if I’m lucky) before he figures how to escape and that’s when the real fun begins....

Until next time

Nicole x

Tonight it is. I'm not longer putting it off...

2010-04-17T17:37:00.003+10:00

I've decided that tonight is the night. Julian will move out of our room and sleep in his own room for the first time in almost 18 months.

Its been put off for way to long now as he has been sleeping through since 13 months. He still wakes regularly but for the best part (say 4 times a week) he'll sleep through.

I think deep down I've been holding onto Julian. At the moment I really feel done with two children. I don't think there will be another for us, I want to force myself to want another but at the moment honestly if i fell pregnant, I would be incredibly upset and sad rather than happy. So I guess I'm trying to keep Julian a baby as long as I can.

His room is all ready to go as it has been since the day he was born. His second cot in our room will still stay as I now he will be back in it tonight now doubt. Lately he will wake around 5am-6am we just bring him back to bed with us until Hugh joins us around 45mins later. So if tomorrow he wakes at 5am he might just end up back in our room, I'll try and keep him in his room but as his room is right next door to Hugh's I don't want him waking Hugh. If he wakes Hugh then Hugh will be up for the day. No thank you, not at 5am.

I guess thats part of what I've been fearing having them in rooms adjacent to each other however if everyone else on this planet does it then so can I.

Sorry Julian your being evicted tonight.

Until next time

Nicole x

Its going to be so lonely tonight in our room without Julian. Secretly I do love him being so close :8(

The 'business'.

2010-04-13T14:37:00.000+10:00

I’m sure many are wandering how my little side business is going. I call it my ‘side business’ but its honestly more like a hobby or a fun night out as it is just so much fun and not at all what I would call work. I love it. My only problem is getting the business. It’s quite hard. You see with Tupperware everyone knows about it and it really sells itself. However when it comes to adult products unless your particularly out there looking for this type of party you’re not going to know it’s even there.

I have tried self advertising, putting up flyers here and then even going as far as putting some up on the backs of toilet doors (cheeky me). In fact I got a call from one such girl wanting party who had found my flyer on the back of a toilet. However let me tell you about this so called party.

It was originally for a night in March but she cancelled a few hours prior which was fine as I had another party the same night and fitting two into the one night may have been pushing it so I was secretly relieved. She said she would re schedule for the week after Easter which she did. That was last Saturday. So I called her the night before to see how she was going organising the party and to confirm the time, address and numbers etc. All was good. Or so I thought.

Saturday night I drive all the way out to her place which was on the other side of Canberra so it wasn’t exactly a short drive. I had a funny feeling at around 5pm (ESP most likely) that I should text her to confirm once again. In hindsight I should have.

So I arrive on time at a bit before 7.30pm. The street was super dodgy and I was almost afraid to get out my car but did and couldn’t find a number 7 anywhere. I decided to call this girl and let her know I was out the front but having trouble finding her house. Normally its easy to spot as you can hear laughter inside and there is usually lots of cars parked out front. This street was deadly quiet apart from a domestic I could hear from the inside of my car!

So I called her and said “Hi, its Nicole from Flaunt it, just ....” and bam, mid sentence she hung up on me. At first I thought it may have been my phone that had run out of credit so I tried calling her again. This time her phone went straight to voice mail. I checked my phone and I still had plenty of credit. I called again and this time left a message. A very nice message. I explained that I had arrived and was unable to find her place and was unsure why she had hung up on me, I also said if she wanted to cancel and reschedule than thats more than ok however it would have been nice to call me prior to driving out.

I sat in my car for a little longer. Still shocked. I ended up driving around a bit more to see if there was in fact a house number 7, there was as I eventually found it. It was dark and empty with a for sale sign out front. I have no idea what happened and I haven’t heard anything from her since.

I’m not angry as I don’t think she knew any better she is young but I hope she learns that not only is it immature to do such a thing but really disrespectful. If I can take anything at all from this I will call all hosts that I’m slightly concerned about on the day of the party. I don’t want to waste my time and money (especially with fuel prices lately).

Apart from that one hiccup I’m loving it. Its so much fun, I get to go to all these parties where I am the entertainment. I’m really a shy person and I don’t think I’m confident at all but when it comes to this business I’m incredibly outgoing. It feels natural and I never get nervous. I love it. I just need more bookings for my name to get out there. I know it will with time and for the time being I’m just taking it one party at a time.

Until next time

Nicole x

The Quiet Guy.

2010-04-12T11:39:00.000+10:00

Julian couldn’t be more different than Hugh. Yes they are very similar in looks and are most definitely brothers but personality wise they are like chalk and cheese. Funny saying that ‘chalk and cheese’ why are the two compared? Chalk is Chalk and Cheese is Cheese, perhaps because they both start with “Ch”

Anyway back to Julian or as I call him JD, or JDK. If I’m ever referring to Julian I often say JD or JDK, I don’t know why but I have always done so and I’m not the only one. There must be something about Julian that makes you want to abbreviate him. At his childcare centre they have a book on display daily with photos and captions taken throughout the day, I always view this book as I like to see what Julian has been up to. Julian is in the book every day. In fact he normally takes up both pages. He is such a sweet boy and I think I can safely say he is one of the favourites in his room. I know it. Its quite sad that there is a favourite as there really shouldn’t be but at the same time it fills me with pride that its Julian. It doesn’t surprise me though, how could anyone not love Julian. He is the most delectable and deliciously sweet (yet VERY quiet) boy you will ever meet.

Back to the book, in the book it always says “JK learns to paint” or “JK shows off his catching skills” etc etc. I don’t know why they abbreviate his name? I find it so strange as other children in the book full names are used and they aren’t exactly short names for example there is a Isabelle, Alexandra, Joshua clearly these names are just as long as Julian. It doesn’t bother me but I just think Julian must be an initial type of guy.

One thing about Julian that many people will comment on is how quiet he is. He has always been this way, even as a newborn I was often asked if he ever cried. He never did, he grunted but never cried. I was so lucky.

Julian will happily play on his own, something Hugh still doesn’t do. Hugh is only starting to (at almost 4) venture to playgrounds or places on his own without me holding his hand. Julian ... well try and stop him! He doesn’t need anyone. He can keep himself company and isn’t demanding at all. He even pours his own drinks. This is just too cute. Yesterday he pushed his chair to the sink and filled Luke’s coffee mug with water and then sat at his table and started feeding himself the water from the mug with a spoon he took from the drawer.

Julian is so quiet, he hardly speaks. He makes sounds and communicates but he only says three words. Mum, dad and Uh-oh, uh-oh being the most popular. He says this all the bloody time. It’s cute at first but after hearing it all the time over things that don’t require an Uh-oh it loses its cuteness.

Hugh at this age was almost stringing sentences together. However I cannot compare the two, Hugh was and IS a completely different child to Julian. Hugh talks in his sleep, talks from the moment he wakes up until he goes to bed. I always know where Hugh is in the house as he even talks to himself whilst playing. Julian doesn’t do this.

Last week I picked Julian up from childcare and a different lady was in the room. I picked Julian up and she walked up to me and said “I’m not sure if Julian was well today, he was very quiet, I’m only new in this room, but is that like him?” I laughed and said “that’s Julian”. That is him, so many carers have commented on just how quiet he is. He will happily play but never complains, he will not cry or whinge. Ever.

Its just so funny how you can have two children from the same parents brought up exactly the same way yet both have completely different temperaments and personalities. I guess it puts some thought behind the nature versus nurture theory...

Until next time

Nicole x

Easter!

2010-04-05T12:39:00.002+10:00

Happy Easter Everyone.

Yes its Monday and not Sunday but the Easter Bunny arrived this morning in our house because we spent Easter Sunday in Sydney.

It was a nice mini break, would have been nice to stay longer but as Luke is a big football fan, in particular for the Canberra Raiders and has himself a seasons pass there was no way he was going to miss the Sunday match at home so we left Sydney Sunday morning...

We stayed in a hotel for the first time as a family and lets just say it was an experience as I thought it would be. Previously I've only ever stayed in Serviced apartments and Cabins with at LEAST two bedrooms and a full sized kitchen. The bliss of it.

Our hotel room was comfortable and I guess everything you would need. Clean beds, clean bathroom, air conditioner, tv etc but I'm a girl of comfort and luxury and not one that enjoys having to sleep so close, ie NEXT and ON TOP of my children I also enjoy a kitchen and boy do you take having simple necessities like a microwave, toaster, cutlery etc for granted. I am so sick of take out. Ick, yuck, the thought of it. As a family we will eat take out maybe once or twice a year, that is when we travel. As I couldn't cook whilst away as much as I enjoyed having nights off I really missed a home cooked meal, McDonalds, Pizza and Fish n Chips although appetizing at the time isn't so 15 minutes after eating it.

Still the boys loved this little holiday so much so they didn't sleep at all. It wasn't from lack of exhaustion either. The first day we arrived we decided to walk from our hotel in Glebe to Darling Harbour, we were told a '15 minute walk'. Try 45 minutes!!!! Luke and I also agree that we must have the fittest 3 year old in Australia who walked the hilly walk there and back ( a good 6kms) on his own. Ran even. Julian had the luxury of being pushed up the hills by me, I admit I took the pram off Luke as I wanted the extra exercise but my god did I regret it the next morning. The legs, the LEGS! Ouch.

We went to the Family Show on Saturday which is just like the Easter show except free with less crowds, Hugh had a fantastic time. Julian would have enjoyed it had he been more refreshed, he unlike his brother doesn't quite function so well on little sleep. Julian will sleep 12 hours a night plus a 2-3 hour sleep in the day so 8 hours a night and no day sleep doesn't exactly agree with the poor little munchkin. Still he put on a brave face and had just as much fun.

The afternoon was spent at Bondi!

Overall it was lovely break and in usual Nicole style I'm already booking and planning our next little getaway ... the June long weekend. I think we'll head back to Sydney again and this time do the famous Taronga Zoo!

Until next time

Nicole x

Hypnagogic Startle

2010-03-22T16:36:00.000+11:00

I have a sleep disorder. I must have. I have self diagnosed in true Nicole style and used none other than Dr Google. I’m sure many don’t agree with this and would much rather go to a doctor but believe me when I say doctors are useless. If I went to a doctor and explained that lately I’m finding it near impossible to fall to sleep and that if I do manage to fall to sleep if at all its normally around 4 or 5am I can guarantee they will bring up stress, anxiety and suggest things such as relaxation before bedtime, warm milk, valerian tablets, warm bath, reading a book, mediate and to cut out all sugars, alcohol and caffeine of a night time. Well I have done all that and beyond. Heck I have even tried sex on multiple occasions as I have read that orgasms are 10 times more powerful than valium, perhaps for some people (mainly blokes) but for lil ole me the orgasm if anything wires me more.

There is nothing more frustrating than what I am experiencing and the ironic thing is that episodes tend to occur more frequently when you are overtired and sleep deprived which of course starts the whole cycle again.

Let me explain a little about what I experience. I’m tired, very tired, feel sleepy and head to bed. It normally takes me 20-40 mins to fall to sleep anyway so this isn’t unusual what happens next is. I’m about to fall to sleep and drift into unconsciousness’ when WHAM BOOM I startle awake. Its like I become aware of myself falling to sleep and have a sudden rush of adrenaline or anxiety and startle myself awake. I then relax and try to fall to sleep again (normally within 5 mins) and WHAM BOOM again I startle myself asleep. Its horrible this re occurs all night, sometimes all night without me catching any sleep. Some nights I’m fortunate enough and manage to fall to sleep without startling myself and if this happens its usually well after 3am. I get up at 6.30am. This has been going on for a good month and I’m exhausted and the vain part of myself is upsetting me more. I’m starting to look tired and have bags under my eyes NO. I’ve upped my facials to monthly but I think the only thing that’s going to cure the tired eye look is sleep.

I’ve googled and found many others out there who describe exactly what I’m experiencing and have been diagnosed with hypnagogic startle syndrome so I googled it. I’m almost 100% sure its what I have. Unfortunately there is no cure and I cannot for the life of me find something that can help me with this. It’s not like I have trouble falling to sleep or am to anxious to sleep so my melatonin and valerian sleep tablets aren’t going to help. Meditation helps some nights but quite rarely (I have CD’s that alter your brain waves and sends you into deep meditation, this is something Luke and I have done for many years yet I do not openly discuss), I’ve tried staying up really late so I’m really tired but nope, I’ve tried drinking lots of red wine, I’ve tried cutting back on wine. I just don’t know what to do.

I do know its something I’m most likely prone to as I remember this happening to me as a teenager and telling my mum that I keep startling awake and can’t sleep. Perhaps its something that will occur in clusters, I’ll get it really frequently and then not get it for a while. What I don’t understand is why in the last two months its been happening nearly every night. Last night again and it would not surprise me if it happens again tonight. I need sleep I cannot keep going like this. I might have to go visit Damien and see if he can prescribe me some Chinese herbs as I’m sure a part of my Chi is so most certainly deficient and causing this. One thing that is stopping me is Luke who does not want me spending hundreds of dollars however at the moment quite frankly I’d almost sell my soul to sleep.

Until next time

Nicole x

The Holiday and The End.

2010-03-11T09:42:00.007+11:00

The Holiday

We just spent 5 nights up on the central coast and had a fantastic time. The last time we went away Julian was slightly younger and he has changed so much since our last trip. He enjoyed himself so much and I would never have picked it, but Julian became more of a ‘challenge’ whilst away then Hugh.

Hugh was utterly exhausted and crashed every night by 7.30am and slept until 7am. Unlike previous holidays where he was up all night and up before the sun. However this trip Julian decided to take on that role. Julian was up until 10pm most nights and up at first light. I just can’t win. I think our main issue was Julian would crash at 5pm every day for around 20mins. He was having day sleeps too but our holiday was just so full of activity that it took it out of him.

~Fast asleep on the rockiest ferry ride ever~

We stayed in another Big 4 park which I love. They offer great facilities for families and the cabins are always very well maintained and modern. I also cooked a meal every night including a chicken roast one night, however we did have fish and chips one night and my golly I’ve never anyone demolish and devour a Battered Sav so quickly in my entire life.

~Nothing beats Fish and Chips~

The pool was fantastic and again this resort had a waterslide. We couldn’t keep Julian away.

~Julian LOVING the slide~

Hugh went on his first waterslide at the last resort we stayed in so he is now an ‘expert’ can go down by himself (with inflatable ring of course) and we catch him at the bottom. However Julian wanted to go by himself too and as scary as this was I sent my 16 month old son down the slide on his own with Luke waiting at the bottom. I could see other parents looking at me as Julian probably looked a little young but you know what … he absolutely loved it!! Those parents after the 6^th and 7^th time of Julian going down the slide started laughing along with him and his infectious giggle. Luke was waiting at the bottom the whole time and Julian never once went under the water.

~Julian taking himself to the slide~

Every time I go away I say the same thing to myself. Get Hugh swimming lessons. I’m going to. I have to. I often see kids around his age quite capable of swimming with floaties etc and Hugh does look a little old for his ring. So I guess its time I get him swimming lessons. You know what’s putting me off?? Him throwing a tantrum and the whole lesson being very similar to this

~No holiday is complete without the token 'Hugh Tantrum'~

However I think its time and perhaps Hugh will surprise me and actually enjoy his lesson. In fact I’m sure he’ll love it!! Now to find the time to get him lessons…

We also whilst away took Hugh and Julian on there very first boat ride. A ferry to Palm Beach. Hugh was absolutely beside himself with excitement the boat ride back was a different story. The boys loved it, well Julian was sleeping amazingly, Hugh was loving the thrill of the rocking ride and water spraying us (we sat on the roof) I however was holding on for a dear life. I was located the nearest life vests and emergency dingys. I honest thought the ferry was going to tip!

Palm Beach for those that don’t know is the beach where Home and Away is filmed. This beach had some serious surf however that didn’t stop Luke or Hugh.

~Luke and Hugh on the famous Palm Beach (Home & Away)

Julian and I however preferred to play in the sand, or myself sunbake on the sand.

~Julian LOVES sand~

~I love sun baking on sand~

We also visited the Entrance which is famous for its daily Pelican Feeding. I have never in my life laughed so hard. These pelicans were wild! So wild and comfortable with people that they walked amongst the crowd and at one point straight towards Julian. Luke was absolutely sh**ting himself. I could tell. He didn’t want to get up and leave as that would be cowardly so instead he grabbed Julian straight out of the stroller (in a maneuver so fast you would have blinked and missed it) and held him in the most tightest grip.

~Hugh keeping a close eye on the Pelicans~

~Pelican on his way to say hello to Julian (in green)~

All in all our holiday was fantastic and we all had a great time. I have put the rest of the photos up on facebook for those that have access to facebook.

The End

This holiday also saw the end of something that I didn’t see coming. Yes I knew it was coming and in all honestly it’s been coming for a long time I guess but I didn’t think it would happen so fast and on his holiday.

Julian no longer wanted to breastfeed.

Just writing that and thinking about it some more makes my heart ache. I offered as usual in the mornings, every morning, but he refused. It was over. I am no longer breastfeeding and feel as though I have breastfeed my last child and will never breastfeed again in my life. I love breastfeeding, I never thought I would enjoy it as much as I do and did back when I feed for the very first time on 19 June 2006. I was very fortunate as to me breastfeeding came naturally instantly. I never had any issues with breastfeeding either one of my boys. Hugh I fed until 13 months and Julian until just over 16 months. I’m very thankful to have been able to feed both my boys as long as I did and will cherish it forever…

~The beginning of a journey - My first breastfeed. Hugh 19/06/06 ~

~Julians first feed, minutes old~

Until next time

Nicole x

Holiday!

2010-03-04T20:16:00.002+11:00

Tomorrow we set off on another holiday. It seems like only the other day we were on a little holiday, I do love my holidays.

This time we are staying 5 nights just north of Sydney. It should be good I just hope the weather is good to us.

Hugh of course is beside himself with excitement hence why as I type this he isn't sleeping. He is just laying in his bed talking about the beach. Too cute. I only told him this afternoon we were going on holiday as I made the fatal mistake last time of telling him a good few weeks in advance and I just didn't hear the end of it. Like with this Dora concert I bought us tickets to in April, well I told him about that too. Gee, silly me. However I was just so excited, I think I'm more excited about this darn concert than Hugh is!! Anyway since then every morning Hugh wakes up he asks 'am I doing to see Dora today'. The poor guy, its been going on for months.

I'm dreading the car ride as I normally do. Julian isn't the traveller Hugh is and will no doubt whinge his cute little bottom off the entire journey. There will be stops and we all will eat our annual take away of McDonalds. We never eat take away in this house, I don't like it at all and either does Luke, the only time we eat it is when we travel. Even on holidays I cook! Can you believe it?!? I will cook a meal every single night whilst on holidays. I always have. I cook every. single. night. I know in a few years time I'll probably crack it and refuse to step foot in a kitchen but for the time being I enjoy it.

Sorry for the lack of entries lately but with work and my new 'side business' I'm quite a busy little thing. Oh and then there is the big 30th bash!! I cannot wait, I'm even going as far as organising t-shirts. My god, I'm so not the wearing a t-shirts as a group type however as I mentioned previously turning 30 means a lot and I sure as hell want to celebrate it hard. So hard in fact I'm already looking into 'anti hangover pills'. Man I hate hangovers and in my old age tend to suffer from them worse than I ever did.

Well I'd better end this now and finish the packing as we have an early start in the morning.

Until next time

Nicole x

I can offically say "I'm with a 30 year old"

2010-02-27T21:23:00.003+11:00

Luke turned 30 today.

I had planned for this day for so long. 30 is such a big milestone to me, even more so than 40. I don't know why, perhaps because when I was younger 30 was always 'that age'.

"by 30 I'll be married"

"by 30 I'll have kids"

"by 30 I'll own a home

I really wanted to do something special for Luke for his birthday and two years ago I came up with the idea of a 'surprise birthday'. Had it all planned, venue, guests etc etc. It was going to cost a fair bit so decided a few months ago that as it was going to cost a bit of money I had better tell Luke, so I told him. Bad move. Well perhaps a good one. You see he totally thought it was outrageous and said that he didn't want a birthday party and would have no one to invite and would rather not. Months and months of trying to convince him he still was adamant he didn't want to celebrate.

As I couldn't convince him I decided that as its his birthday I guess he can decide what we do. To my surprise he really didn't want to do much at all, I threw suggestion after suggestion at him but he wasn't keen on anything! Very frustrating.

In the end we opted for a movie and dinner which was nice and his choice. We saw Shutter Island, um, very thought provocing and even tonight I was goggling the ending as I had one theory and Luke had another. Wow. Its been a while since I've watched a movie that has made me think so hard. Afterwards we went to dinner, Indian, Lukes choice and also a favourite of mine. Then we picked up the boys who spent the evening with my brother and sister in law and of course they were perfect little angels. Bless them.

So today has been a real non event for poor Luke. I feel so sorry for him and it breaks my heart his birthday has been spent this way. I guess its what he wanted and he doesn't seem upset by it so I shouldn't be. I think deep down, I wanted to celebrate and I guess thats why I feel this way. Because I can tell you now I'm sure as hell celebrating my 30th!! Bring it on!! 30's my god, are we really in our 30's now...

Until next time

Nicole x

Insomnafear.

2010-02-26T13:31:00.002+11:00

I could say I have insomnia and quite possible could, however for now I'm going to call it 'Insomnafear'.

You see I think its more a fear of not being able to sleep, I use to be able to sleep, yeah sure I've had the occasional night where I've had trouble sleeping but this is something different. This is where I go to bed wanting to sleep, tired and ready to sleep yet I do not.

In the past I would just tell myself that I will eventually fall to sleep and it will happen, it may not happen until 4am but it WILL happen. That was until May last year when for the first time in my life I went an entire night without sleep. At 6am I gave up and got up. I didn't even sleep for 10 mins. Since that time I guess I've developed a fear of going through that again. It is the most horrible feeling. You want to sleep, everyone around you is sleeping yet you can't. To say its frustrating is a HUGE understatement.

This insomnafear happened again the other night. I guess I created it. You see the previous two nights I had horrible nights sleeps with waking at 1.48am and feeling really off and awful and from that time onward just could not get back to sleep. Julian was also up during this time so I didn't end up going back to sleep. I got up at 6.30am for WORK. Yes I had to work and cannot believe how I managed and add to this I did a pump class at the gym that night. Man I'm hardcore ... hee hee.

So that next night I wanted to catch up sleep and went to bed at 8.30pm. I feel to sleep almost instantly but for only around 30 mins and woke at 9pm. From then onwards I just couldn't sleep. The entire night I tossed and turned. I took my Valerian pills which help promote sleep, I also took some Melatonin, I even tried sex. It did not work. I got up watched tv, had a few glasses of red. Nothing helped. I just could not fall to sleep however at 6am I believe I may have fell to sleep because at 6.20am I heard Julian crying. The next day had started and I only had 20 mins sleep if that.

I think what also added to it was that I have a big night tonight. I really want to be refreshed for it. Its my very first party with my business. Its going to be a fun night yet I'm hardly refreshed at all. I look awful. Thankfully I managed to fall to sleep last night however Julian decided last night was a good night to have unsettled night so my nights sleep was very broken. Still I guess broken sleep is better than no sleep? Right?

I have no clue the cure for this. I guess its something I just have to face and deal with. Its not that often, say once every few months so something must trigger it. I do know it all started after I had Julian. Not that I'm blaming him but it does coincide.

Sleep. Gee we really take it for granted don't we...

Until next time

Nicole x

Is it something or nothing?

2010-02-19T14:26:00.002+11:00

Last week Julian had another check up at the hospital regarding his lung mass. Its not until these appointments that I remember what Julian and I went through and just how serious it was.

Julians last appointment in August we discussed an x-ray that was taken as we opted for a non invasive x-ray rather than a cat scan which would involve going under a general. The doctor mentioned at this appointment that on Julians x-ray there was some white stuff on his left lung. He wasn't too concerned and explained that on a 'normal child' and I hate that term as Julian IS normal. Anyway he said that on a child who hasn't Julians history he would assume it to just be mucus and he asked if Julian had a cold at the time. Of course I couldn't remember as the x-ray was taken a few weeks prior. So he said to come see him again in 6 months and to get another x-ray.

That was August. Now February we had our second appointment. Getting Julians x-ray was tricky as I can only really go Fridays and for the previous few Fridays Julian had either a cold or that horrid gastro/rotavirus.

So the day before our appointment Julian had his x-ray. I am 100% confident that he didn't have a cold nor would have been mucusey. Julian wasn't too happy about this x-ray and it took two of us to hold him still. I can only imagine how hard it would be to x-ray someone like Hugh who is a lot more defiant and less easy going than Julian - my placid child!

At our appointment the x-ray was discussed. The doctor again noticed some white stuff (he actually called it 'white stuff' I think) on his lungs. He did however say that this could be due to him not staying completely still. So its hard to tell. He said if this is a mass or is a sign of the mass then the next step would be a cat scan and then the decision to decide if its better off out or in and if he will require surgery.

We are booked in to see him again in July and obviously before then I will need to get him to have another x-ray.

So thats where we are at the moment. I do have a horrible feeling that this could be the mass. Could it be growing back? is this possible?? I did all I could for Julian while I was carrying him but now he is out, he on his own. I am confident that he is healthy the doctor seems to think so too. He doesn't puff, hardly coughs and appears completely fine. However I guess we don't really know for certain.

If something is found then I know for sure I will get Julian on the Chinese herbs. They have helped him before .... they will help him again!

Until next time

Nicole x

My Business...

2010-02-03T16:44:00.000+11:00

Sorry. I apologise I’m still here, just not blogging. I’ve been catching up on all my favourite blogs and do so daily, sometimes even twice daily however my poor blog has been neglected. So time for an update I think.

Perhaps I’ll update later as I really don’t have time to update. Kidding. That would be a bit mean wouldn’t it, coming in here to update my blog to say that I can’t update it at the moment.

The reason for me being a bit absent lately is because I’ve decided to take on my own little business. We’ll call it ‘a business’ others will call it ‘party plan’. Now before you all roll your eyes and think party plan believe me I AM NOT THE SELLING OR PARTY PLAN TYPE OF PERSON, trust me I’m not. So this has come to a complete surprise to even myself. Why the heck am I even doing it? onestly I have no clue. Let me tell you some more…

Some of you may know recently I held an ‘adults toy’ party with my sister. I really wanted a fun night in with some girls, sipping on champagne and cocktails and having a giggle over all the products. I had wanted to do this party for some time but had real trouble finding anyone that did it in Canberra. I was lucky to find one company that did and I got in contact with the consultant. She had only just started and I was her first party. I didn’t know what to expect as I had never been to a party like this before. The party was ok but honestly it should have been better. The consultant really had no clue what she was selling, wasn’t passionate about it and to be honest I could have done a better job. In fact I know I could have. I ended up explaining all the products to the girls. In fact I sold 3 of this one type of ‘toy’ to some girls because I claimed it to be fantastic. If it wasn’t for me I’m not sure she would have even made sales.

So this got me thinking. Could I do a better job? Did I want to do a better job? This isn’t the first time this thought had occurred. Everyone on the night encouraged me to join and suggested I become a consultant. I laughed it off and said I’d think about it.

Since then I have been thinking about it and it excites me. Its hard to explain but I get so excited about the prospect of doing this. I have been researching companies looking at my options and I have joined a company and will be the first in Canberra to consult for this company. I’m yet to receive my kit and start parties but I’m well in the process. Me, selling vibrators am I for real? I think I am.

So there you have it ladies. Who would have thought? I certainly wouldn’t have. I’m definitely not doing this for the money as I have a nicely paid job where I work 3 days a week. I’m not doing this because I love to work, because I don’t. I’m doing this for me. I think I will enjoy it. I can have parties when and where I want, and to be honest I’m looking forward to the night out once a week.

Now the hard part is to hide all the toys from the boys. Let me tell you from personal experience vibrators are very fascinating things for little toddlers and should be kept hidden or in high places at all times…

Until next time

Nicole x

Our Story.

2010-01-21T14:58:00.002+11:00

As many of you all know I'm a member of Essential Baby. Its how I met most of you lovely ladies.

Well this month I was given the opportunity to be the feature member and tell my story. This is our STORY.

Most of you already know about Julian and his mass but for others out there I really wanted to share the message of hope and to never EVER give up. Miracles do happen as one happened to me.

Until next time

Nicole x

We have ourselves....

2010-01-11T16:24:00.001+11:00

I have a secret to admit about our family and I just feel so dirty. We all do.

We have worms.

Please tell me someone out there has also been infested with this horrible parasite! Perhaps it is just our family but for us it hasn’t been as simple as just taking some chocolate combantrim.

It all started last year…

Can’t remember when exactly but a good few weeks before Christmas we noticed Hugh was scratching his bum an awful lot. I’ll admit seeing this did make me think worms but I immediately replaced that thought with ‘un wiped bum’. It also happened around the same time Hugh became independent with taking himself to the toilet so you can’t blame me for thinking that.
I made a note to start ensuring he and I wipe his bum extra well. Luke was also aware of this.

Fast forward to Christmas where my mum made yet another comment about worms and said “for god sake promise me you’ll worm the boy”. I agreed, I could no longer assume it was from not wiping his bum. Luke was still adamant that Hugh did not have worms. Eew. No way. Luke also insisted that he has never had worms in his life and just couldn’t accept that perhaps his son had.

During dinner (yes our Christmas meal, dinner topics in my family have always been very, um, non traditional) we discussed worms. It was during this conversation that I think Luke finally agreed that perhaps we should worm Hugh as Luke put it ‘just in case’.

I wanted to find the nearest Chemist immediately but as it was Christmas Eve, I had to wait until Boxing Day. In the coming days I did research and let me tell you googling worms and finding all about intestinal worms, is well, disgusting!

Boxing Day couldn’t come quick enough and it was also this day I discovered something so horrific I still don’t think I’ve recovered. I had worms. How could this be? I haven’t had an itchy bum, didn’t feel any different, I wanted to be in denial but couldn’t as I had seen the evidence. I also had another confirmed case Julian. I broke the news to Luke who still insisted that he was the most hygienic person ever (which he is) and there would be no way he was infested. Luke made the comment of ‘they have obviously skipped me’.

I didn’t want to argue and told him it was his choice whether or not to take the tablets. Luke later that day came to me and asked "where are those tablets as I might just have a few, you know just in case". I wanted to say something so bad but didn’t. You see Luke asked for the tablets not long after he had been to the toilet himself. I think we have another confirmed case!

So we all took our pills and went on with life. One week later Hugh was still scratching so we took our second dose which was our first mistake. You are meant to take them two weeks apart, well we waited 6 days. 1 week later again, we still all have them. We are currently on our second treatment, different brand. I’m also giving the boys a natural herbal tablet that helps the body clear itself from worms. I have also scrubbed, washed sheet, towel, bedding after bedding, wiped down every surface and I seriously think I can’t go on. How can anyone get rid of these fuckers? Excuse my language but that is what they are. Give me nits any day. Its those darn eggs, they live for up to 2 weeks and can even become airborne. We have no hope.

Please tell me that your family has been through something similar and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel (no pun intended).

I feel so gross.

Until next time

Nicole x

I'm not old.

2010-01-06T20:01:00.003+11:00

I'm going to start doing this more as Hugh gives me a dozen of these a week. Those random quotes and sayings that just pop out of nowhere.

Tonight's was, as I was tucking him into bed

"Mummy" Hugh asked with a serious look on his face

"Yes Hugh" I replied

"I'm not old because I have brown hair"

God love children and their logic.

Until next time

Nicole x

Beginning of a new decade...

2010-01-05T20:38:00.005+11:00

It’s the beginning of a new decade and this decade will see me in my 30’s. I think this will be the decade of me.

~My Decade~

The last decade was spent in my 20’s and a lot happened, I travelled, started a career, met my partner, moved out of home, bought a home, sold a home, bought another home, had my first son then later had another. It was a busy decade, with a lot of ‘firsts’. You will also note there is no marriage in there, sadly I don’t think a decade will ever come when this such event occurs.

This decade I believe will be just about me. The decade for me. I have no clue how or why exactly but I hope to discover who I am and what I want out of life. At the moment and some days I feel as though I’m just plodding along. Don’t get me wrong I’m happy and not at all dissatisfied with my life, in fact I feel very blessed to have everything that I do. I just want more, not in a greedy way but I want more out of me. I guess some will call this finding their purpose in life . Well I want to discover mine. I feel as though I have something to offer and something to give but am holding it in. I want to discover what that is and to be honest I’m hoping it just comes to me as I have no clue what it is and I’m not exactly ‘soul searching’ to look for it.

This decade will also see my boys start school and will end with Hugh starting high school and becoming a teenager. Will this decade see another child for Luke and I? To be honest, I’m really not sure. At the moment it’s almost like I’m forcing myself to want another one as though I should but I have absolutely no desire or urge to have another right now. I just know if another child is out there for us it will make itself known and I will feel that uncontrollable and forceful urge that I felt with both Hugh and Julian. So I guess that still remains to be seen (or felt).

~My Boys ... will there be a sibling?~

This decade will also see some major changes in my immediate family. First there is my mother’s health which is deteriorating and fast. You will also notice it’s something I don’t talk about on here. Perhaps I should but at the moment I can’t. Sometimes in life , actually quite often I take the approach if I don’t talk about it, ignore it and refuse to accept it, it will go away. In this situation it will never go away and some day I’m going to have to face it. When I do, I will blog about it as the emotions I’m going to feel are going to be so strong and I know I won’t be able to turn to Luke about it for support. Luke has never been one to offer a shoulder to cry on and it’s the one thing I hate, actually not hate as that’s a nasty word but the one thing I really dislike about him and our relationship.

This decade I also hope to become an Aunty, I’m pretty sure I will too and my niece will be here. I also say with much confidence that it will be a niece. My brother and sister in law will have a little girl, I just know it. Perhaps this is the girl I feel around me?

~Will they make me an aunt?~

My sister I believe this decade will become engaged and possibly married. Can’t wait for that, I also hope she moves out of home and buys herself a place.

~Wedding Bells?~

Brewstar. Sadly he will pass this decade. I don’t know how I’m going to handle that or worse still Hugh. He just loves Brewstar. They are still best of buddies.

~Brewstar~

~A friend to us all~

I guess I’ll only know the answers to the above in a decade’s time.

Happy New Year to you all my dear blogger friends and I hope this decade is also a decade for you and is filled with nothing but happiness, health, love and laughter because honestly, what else could you ask for in life…

Until next time

Nicole x

I do adult toy parties in Canberra!!

2010-01-01T10:14:00.001+11:00

If anyone wants a really fun night in with the girls, or even with your boyfriends, husbands or partners then I do adult sex toy parties in Canberra.

You've all heard of naughty but nice parties, pash parties, etc etc. Well this is even better. I'm a consultant for Flaunt it . http://www.flauntitparties.com.au/index.php

So if your in Canberra and want a really fun night in and have heard of adult parties but aren't sure what they are about then contact me. It really is a fun night.

I can be emailed for further information flauntitnicole@internode.on.net

or contact head office on 03 9004 4429

We bring the adult store to you in the comfort of your own home. So pour a glass or two of champagne, grab your friends and be prepared for a fun night in full of laughs games and excitement.

adult toy parties sex toy party adult party sex toy party adult sex toy party hens night naughty but nice party adult toy parties

Christmas 2009

2009-12-31T19:26:00.006+11:00

Christmas 2009 started early. Real early. 5.20am to be exact. Normally bad enough in itself being woken at that hour by an excited 3.5 year old but made worse due to myself not going to bed until 1am!!

Somehow however I did manage Christmas day quite well with only 4 hours sleep.

Our festivities started Christmas Eve this year as we celebrated Christmas Eve with my family. We enjoyed lots of good food, lots of it, great cocktails and the boys were spoilt rotten (as usual).

Christmas Day we spent having Lunch with Lukes family and later that evening I popped in for a couple of drinks and game playing (The Smart Ass Board Game, its great!) with my mum and sister. My gorgeous mum every Christmas also celebrates her birthday. Although I think that would suck she however tells us she has loved it later in life as the day is never about her. Bless.

I will end this entry with some photos of Christmas 2009.

~Hughs Stash from Santa~

~Julians Stash From Santa~

~Hugh and his Stocking~

~Julian and stocking~

~Hugh opening Presents ... Julians present!~

~The biggest hit. A $4 fishing rod that catches fish which was in his stocking~

~Julians Biggest hit. The food. Man that boy can eat~

Until next time

Nicole x

Arrgh Christmas.

2009-12-24T12:33:00.005+11:00

Its that time of year again. Its hard to get into the festivities of Christmas when you have the naughtiest of naughty 3.5 year old.

For Christmas I know what I want. I want a well behaved Hugh and not the 3.5 year old I have at the moment. Three is such a BAD age, I don't care what they say, it can be cute but its so challenging.

Hugh is starting to get excited about Christmas, so much so that I thought I could use the threat of 'no Santa'. I have tried calling Santa, telling him he won't get his 'Thomas Gate' that he so desperately wants but what does Hugh say?

"I don't want Santa to come to my house, I don't want presents"

So that doesn't work.

I also think its safe to say that your 3.5 year old clealy doesn't care too much about Christmas when he does this to the Christmas tree

~Our Christmas Tree, all 7 foot of it, sideways~

If he isn't wrecking our Christmas tree, he is making mountains out of couch. I'm totally in control of my three year old.

~Hugh, free to good home~

Its the latest thing in this house. The 'mountain' game. Right now as I sit here, our couch looks as it does in these photos.

~Mountain game~

~My children are there somewhere~

Boys will be boys.

Merry Christmas to all. I will post about our Christmas festivities once the Chaos of Christmas winds down.

Until next time

Nicole x

JDK

2009-12-15T17:00:00.000+11:00

Julian, Ju-E-wen to his brother, Jules to some, but JDK to me is the most delectable and sweet natured soul to ever walk the earth. I’ve been meaning to blog and entry on him for some time because I want to remember this as people keep telling me he’ll turn. They say my once sweet and easy child will be a hell of a teenager and will cause me all his problems later in life. Pftt to them, that’s just not going to happen, not my Julian. He just doesn’t have it in him. He is a mummy’s boy through and through, always will be. (I hope)

I’ll admit something here, not sure if its normal or not but I never felt this with Hugh and still don’t. But when I think of Julian some day meeting a woman, falling in love and her becoming the ‘woman in his life’ I feel a pang of jealously. This is so embarrassing to admit, but I do. I don’t want to loose my Julian I guess because at the moment he thinks I’m the most amazing person ever and I just love that. I also have a bond with him so strong. I don’t have this bond with Hugh. Its not that I don’t love Hugh as much because that isn’t true. Its just an unspoken bond, a natural bond that makes bonding come naturally. Luke said it perfectly the other day. Luke told me that from the moment Hugh was born he felt instantly connected to him and bonding with him came naturally and effortlessly. With Julian, Luke told me he had to work on it and create that bond. That is exactly how I feel with Hugh, I didn’t know it until had Julian but my bond with Julian is just different. It has me questioning it some days as I worry it means I love Julian more, but I know this isn’t true.

Back to Julian, on the weekend I met up with my mothers group who I haven’t seen for a while and it was great to catch up with everyone again, but it had me leaving thinking just how lucky I am. The other children Julian’s age were getting tired, a little cranky which is usual and some were being a bit needy. All normal behaviour but Julian, well he didn’t complain once. Never does. He is so content and happy and never EVER cries or whinges. Actually he does cry and whinge occasionally and when he does I RUN! It means his brother is hurting him or as I found him the other day squished under a pillow with Hugh sitting on top. The poor child could have suffocated. Lucky I heard the muffled cries.

Julian puts up with so much from his brother and has never in his life complained or been demanding. I remember as a newborn I worried about him not wanting the boob and not feeding enough. Looking back now I realise that is just Julian, he gets what he gets and is happy with what he has, he will not ask for things, demand things or is needy in anyway. He is so easy going that I think the childcare centre he is going to is taking advantage of this. Well not advantage but its not good for him.

Do you know that last week Julian did not sleep at all for the whole day at childcare? I think they tried to put him down but they said he was ‘refusing sleep’ so they left him up. That’s Julian though, he is quite happy being up and will not cry like other children. Other children get whingy, cranky and cry when they are tired. Not Julian. I am so lucky to have Julian and I often question what the heck I did right to get a child like him. The only thing I can fault him on is it took him 13 months to sleep through. I said it. Have been reluctant too but I think at 13 months Julian is finally sleeping through. Touch some serious wood (I’d better find me a forest).

Maybe people are right and Julian will cause me all his problems later in life but for now I’m ever so grateful to be given such a gorgeously sweet child with the gentlest of temperaments.

God love you Julian Dean.

Until next time

Nicole x

Caught in the act, or was that shot in the act?

2009-12-10T19:44:00.006+11:00

I want to blog about what happened this morning as lately its becoming a regular occurrence in our household.

You've all heard about Hugh and his behaviour lately which I'll call 'mischievousness' for now. Well this morning was another example.

Some mornings Hugh will wake quite early before us and most mornings he will come into our room but some mornings he doesn't. On a good morning we will hear him banging about, other mornings we later discover the carnage. Sometimes we find him helping himself to a juice, bless him, he tried to fill his own cup one morning, or other mornings trying to reprogram the comptuer, tv, or something else with wires!

This morning Luke got up with Julian (he is still in our room *seriously big blush*) and went downstairs to make breakfast. I laid in bed for a little longer (lucky me) I do this most mornings or whenever I can as Luke deals with the boys and gets me up when he has to go to work. I enjoy it. My one little guilty pleasure "I'm so tired Luke" hee hee.

When I went downstairs this morning Luke said to me

"You should have seen what Hugh did this morning".

I asked him what as I thought Hugh was asleep well obviously he was up for sometime before we got up. Anyway Luke said

"The fridge was wide open but that wasn't the problem, it was the floor, Hugh had got hold of every single bottle of vitamins we had on the bench and tipped them all onto the floor"

It really didn't phase me too much as Hugh is always doing things like that and I said

"It mustn't have been to many as I only have around 8 fish oils left"

Luke said

"It was a lot more than 8, the floor was covered, I should have taken a photo, speaking of photos, Hugh had your camera when I came down too"

Now I was interested. My camera, my beloved camera. I checked it straight away to see if it was still working as Hugh broke the last one and lately I'm going through cameras like nothing else. So I checked the camera and luckily it was still working. While checking the camera I also noticed that a few photos had been taken. Do you want to know what these photos were that I found on my camera? I'll post them for you.

~The vitamins, the white door, is the freezer door as we have an upside down fridge~

~The chair which was obviously used to get to vitamins on top of bench~

~Hughs finger?, I guess the culprit of the crime~

~Look at the height this photo was taken from. Something tells me Hugh was standing on the bench!~

~Man responsible, I think this is Hughs chin, his thomas Pj's gave it away~

I think I have a little photographer on my hands however one piece of advice Hugh, next time you want to take photos of the crime .... destroy the evidence!

Until next time

Nicole x

30

2009-12-08T16:35:00.001+11:00

Did you know in 6 months time I’m turning 30?

Wow, where the hell that come from? It sure does sneak up on you…

Can I ask, when do you start to feel your age? I do not feel 30 at all, 30 is so old, though sadly now it isn’t that old as I’m almost 30 myself. Years ago 30 was so far off, even at 26 and 27 it seemed a decade or so away.

I wander what my 30’s will bring? My 20’s were good, real good. I think I came of age in my 20’s, I discovered who I was and wasn’t and importantly who I wanted to be. I travelled overseas, met my partner, bought my first and second home, had two gorgeous boys…

I really have set the bar high with my 20’s and I sure as hell hope my 30’s deliver just as much.

Until next time

Nicole x

12th May 2012

2009-12-03T20:23:00.000+11:00

I had a very interesting dream last night ....

I dream every night. We all do. However some dreams I find are more vivid or more meaningful than others. Last nights dream has me thinking what if?. Or, was it really her?

The dream was a mix of different things but one particular section I remember quite clearly, I woke immediately after it. I was video taping, I was using a video camera and I remember thinking in my dream "Oh I have to film this and keep it going as I might catch something for funniest home videos" odd thought I know but dreams are odd.

Well there was a small child in my dream and I was filming her. She was really cute and smiling at me a lot. Then I asked her a question as I wanted to get her to talk for the camera. In my dream I remember just knowing she was smart and would be intelligent enough to answer my questions so I asked...

"How old are you"

she said

"two"

I said

"no your only 13 months" (for some reason I was adamant she was 13 months)

she said

"No mum I'm two"

I then said giving into her persistence

"Ok, your two, when were you born?"

She said

"12th May 2012"

This is when I woke up. Very VERY rarely am I given such details in dreams particularly dates.

The dream has left me a little spooked yet a little excited. I have been thinking about it all day, I even told Luke about it as soon as I woke up.

Was this my daughter? Did she come to me in my dream? The date, look at the date. Its in the future, obviously my dream must have been set in 2014. In the dream she looked just like Julian, except a female version and obviously older. I think thats why in my dream I was certain she was 13 months as that is Julian's current age. I obviously thought it was Julian.

It was such a powerful dream, I've only ever had one other powerful and significant dream that left goosebumps (and still does) down my spine. It will yours too when I blog it some other time as it really is something special, especially if you believe all that "hoo ha" and even if you don't, it might just have you believing.

Until next time

Nicole x

Come back Hugh..

2009-12-01T16:56:00.001+11:00

Something has happened to Hugh and it’s happened overnight. Gone is my occasionally naughty and somewhat controllable child and in his replace is the most mischievous naughty little boy who RUNS OFF in shopping centres.

I honestly thought I’d never witness or experience Hugh running off. I see it often - children running away from their parents or not staying close to their parents. I’ve never had this problem with Hugh, you see in the past the moment I stepped out of view from Hugh he would panic and return to me immediately. That’s the good thing about having a clingy and shy child. Well, was.

The other weekend Luke went to the shops and took Hugh with him to look for a new vacuum cleaner (it has died and I’m in desperate need for a new one). When Luke returned he looked exhausted and like he had worked up a sweat. He then told me he had spent the entire time chasing after Hugh as he kept running off. I dismissed it at the time as I thought Luke was exaggerating as there was no way Hugh would do such a thing.

Well …. a few days later I decided to take Hugh and Julian to the shops to start the whole process of getting our photo taken with Santa. Believe me this is a process, it takes weeks for Hugh to build up the courage to sit on his lap. Hugh is shy and clingy remember, well was, so who knows we might be in luck with Santa this year.

Anyway at first he was ok, standing on the pram (We have a Peg Perego pram that has a toddler bar thing that allows for toddlers to stand on the pram) so Hugh was ok at first and I browsed as I normally would, stopping to look at clothes mainly. So I stop look at a few items and continue to walk on, hang on, Hugh isn’t with me. I look around and couldn’t see him. I stop for a moment and listened expecting to hear him cry which is what he does when I walk off or I become out of view (even at 3 he would cry, bless him). I don’t hear anything, slight panic, start thinking someone has taken him. Then I look off to the distance and see this child just running, recognise the t-shirt … its Hugh! I couldn’t believe it.

He continued to do this the entire time we were shopping. I don’t know what’s got into him. At home is another story, he is beyond naughty. The worst I’ve seen. People say ‘oh its because he is three’ well I hope it is as he will soon be four and we can all move on from this horrible destructive phase.

Disciplining Hugh, that’s something I need to work on. At the moment we just send him to his room and lock the door. Yes we lock it. The lock on his door is a godsend for us. However this technique is failing us also lately as he now (after he finishes crying and screaming) rips apart his room. He grabs all the books out of his bookcase and will throw them (he hasn’t started ripping them yet, thank god but no doubt that will be next) pulls his bed apart by pulling of all the doonas, pillows and even the mattress! All this happens in 3 mins, sometimes less as I don’t normally leave him in his room for longer than that.

I’ll admit something, I even tried smacking. Gasp, horror, I know. I will not resort to that again as it honestly doesn’t do or achieve anything (apart from an extreme case of mothers guilt). On the few occasions I did smack him it wasn’t hard, it was hardly a smack at all but what I didn’t like about the whole thing was he started to smack me back. Very bad. I’m obviously teaching him to hit which I do not want. Hugh has never been a bitter or a hitter and I don’t want that.

Its all a learning experience, I haven’t done this before and I’m learning as I go. I do sometimes wander if they held courses on raising children if I’d pass. Come to think of it Hugh probably is my course and hopefully by the time Julian reaches the rebellious phase I’ll know what to do with him. However I refuse to believe Julian will be naughty. He is my little angel and if I so much as raise my voice to him he breaks down and cries. Bless his sensitive little soul. He is so sensitive, he even cries when Hugh is in trouble. God love that child.

Until next time

Nicole x

13 months and still going.

2009-11-23T18:40:00.000+11:00

Can you believe Julian is 13 months and still on the boob. Wow, I still can’t believe. I’m so very proud of him and am thrilled to bits that he is still having a feed. I’ll admit it is only once a day in the morning and only really 2 mins a side but it’s a feed!!!

Hugh fed until he was exactly 1 year and 19 days. Hugh’s last feed was 07/07/07. I remember it like yesterday, Hugh was only having a feed in the mornings and it was barely a feed. If anything it was a forced feed by me, he was only feeding because I made him. So on the 7^th of July 2007 I decided that that morning would be our very last feed. I feed him and the following morning I didn’t offer at all. Hugh didn’t notice or miss a thing. I was well and truly ready.

This time however with Julian I’m not so ready. Yes he could stop now but I honestly quite enjoy our 5 mins in the morning and if he wants to continue on for another year then he can. It really doesn’t inconvenience me in any way. Also I feel as though I’m holding onto him more, you see as the days go by I’m starting to think he will be my last ever baby. The last child I ever breastfeed. That is so sad but I guess that day will have to come at some point in my life whether it be now with Julian or in future with another child.

Do we want to have a third? At the moment I’m honestly 95% sure I’m done, I just feel really complete and at the moment am really happy with two. Luke however makes little comments here and there that has me convinced he is keen on a third. I’m sure of it. I know why too, he wants a daughter, never will admit. Actually he did admit once but I know deep down he does. Truth is, so do I. I’m sure she is out there but I’m not sure if I’ll ever get to meet her in this lifetime. Something tells me if I were to have a third it would be another darling boy. I think this would crush Luke. Yes he would love him but he yearns for a daughter more than I do.

I would so love to give him one some day but that is no reason to have another. If we ever were to have another I wouldn’t want to for at least another year or more. I want a larger gap this time, no particular reason as the gap between Julian and Hugh (2 years 4 months) I believe is perfect but for my last child (if there was another) I would want Hugh in school at least. So for those wandering it is a VERY long time off yet, if at all.

In the meantime I’m just enjoying my youngest of babies who is really more a toddler and big one at that!! He looks so darn old lately, no longer a baby, hardly even toddler looking but a young man. As for my eldest of men, Hugh, he left toddlerhood a long time ago. Hugh is every bit a boy now and every now and then I look at him it takes my breath away at just how old he has bec ome. He is a young man now, I could say young boy but I don’t see a boy, I see a young man in the making. Something tells me too, Hugh isn’t going to be easy with his transition from young boy to man, those years are going to be some stressful grey hair promoting years for me I think …

Until next time

Nicole x

Life is boring.

2009-11-19T10:48:00.005+11:00

No entries, no updates. Does that mean that my life is boring? Could be ... however I'm not complaining as it means nothing 'exciting' is happening and normally when there is 'excitement' there is trouble.

Work

I'm back at work. Two days a week, Monday and Tuesdays and am loving being back. Still need a change and am currently looking for a new career/job etc but at the moment am happy to be back. Am seriously considering upping it to 3 days a week.

Hugh

I think Hugh will always be my 'high needs' boy, even at 3 he is still so demanding and full on. Bless him, but he is hard work. He has adjusted well to the new childcare centre and is talking more. I really think it was the old centre that had caused him troubles. I'm not at all worried about him and his muteness now at all. Thank god that was just a 'phase', I think it was a phase?

Julian

Still the sweetest little soul you'd ever meet however I have noticed he is becoming a little more feisty. Perhaps its because he is approaching 'tantrumhood' sheesh help me. Hugh still tantrums daily and I don't think I can handle two tantruming boys. Julian is so big too, he is wearing all Hughs old clothes that Hugh wore at just under two. Julian might not be that big as Hugh was small so it could just be that, however Julian is 11kgs. He is starting to talk more and says "Hello" and I swear he says "maaauum".

Luke

Still Luke. He is frustrating me lately with him being so darn tight with his money. He doesn't want to spend it at all, he worries so much about finances. I'll admit we have a few expenses and when doing the 'figures' we are spending more than we earn but we always have money? I'm also pushing for another holiday .... To Fiji. I want to go so much and it would be such lovely timing with him turning 30 in February!

Sorry for the short update but thats all I have time for at the moment. The boys are just so full on, every day is a challenge, exciting, but challenging.

For example this morning I discovered Hugh had found my new recently purchased Liberte Cacharel perfume and he decided to sprayit onto every single window in this house. No lie. I get the feeling he thought my perfume was 'windex'. That'll teach me for letting him spray the windex on the windows and getting my children to do all cleaning.

Child labour much?

Until next time

Nicole x

Relaxing Holiday?

2009-11-06T09:59:00.007+11:00

We are back, we all survived (ok more so I survived the road trip). Man I hate traveling, I really don't know why but I just can't stand the car ride. Perhaps I'm a little spoilt as I never complain about long haul flights, I'm rather the girl of luxury. Oh and you will never EVER catch me camping, the only time you'll catch me in a tent is out of pure desperation and no other option.

Back to our holiday. It started off not so well with Hugh extremely sick with some strange bug and refusing to sleep and the trend stayed the entire holiday.

Hugh the night before we left just started vomitting, it was horrible. He was then up every hour and by every hour I mean EVERY hour (no exagaration here). At 5.30am I finally gave in and let Hugh sleep in our bed as we all really needed sleep and we all managed to sleep for an hour and half, the longest we had all night. This of course delayed our trip a little.

Once off it wasn't too bad. Hugh was too sick and tired to complain and Julian, well he handled it ok I guess.

~Sick Hughie~

~Julian .. as bored as anything~

We arrived around 3pm and checked in. The boys were super excited to be out of the car and we all jumped straight into the pool.

~The resort pool~

You'll notice the water slide, on about day 3 we finally convinced Hugh to go down by himself and he loved it. Thank god for the blow up ring thing I brought is all I have to say. I've never been so stressed in my life, however Luke ensured me he had it all under control.

~Luke catching Hugh~

Speaking of Luke, on Sunday (our 3rd day there) Luke came down with most likely the same thing Hugh had. I've never seen him so sick. I swear he lost around 2kgs. He went 3 days not eating or drinking (however he managed a beer at one point, bless him). During this time I entertained the kids the best I could which involved taking them to the park, on the trampolines and I even hired a bike at one point. There was no way I was taking them to the pool by myself, I admit I tried it but lasted 5 mins, the stress of one of them drowing almost killed me.

~Hugh On Tramp~

~Julian on Tramp~

~Playground fun~

~The hired bike~

The day before we left Luke was finally able to become upright so we visted the beach, took the kids tobagganing and did a whole lot of other activities.

Overall it was a great holiday even if I didn't sleep (Hugh was worse than Julian and was up every odd hour and then was up for good at 5am). Sleep deprivation honestly CAN NOT kill you otherwise I wouldn't be here. I had such little sleep on that holiday and then my days were filled with so much activity in the blaring hot sun (including a bit of sunburn) I'm surprised I managed. However I wouldn't change the holiday at all, in fact I'm planning the next one, just a mini holiday in early Feb. I always travel outside of school holidays, you save sooooo much money that way.

I'll leave you with a family photo, it was such a special moment, all of us jammed together on the bed laughing at eachother. Its in these moments that make you feel truly blessed, to have your health, family and loved ones. Who needs fancy cars, holidays and expensive things its the simple moments that are lifes most precious.

~My Family~

Until next time

Nicole x

Road Trip!

2009-10-27T19:23:00.004+11:00

Two more sleeps till our holiday! Excited Yes. Looking forward to the 6.5 long drive. NO!

We were originally going away last Saturday but I checked the weather for this week and it was really REALLY bad. Wet and Cold. It caused a little dilemma and much stress on my part. I couldn't re book for the following week as they were fully booked, however I didn't want to cancel and not go on a holiday as I and the children (well Hugh in particular) have been looking forward to it so much. So we decided on a different location, a further TWO HOURS drive. My nightmare, yet admittedly the location is better. The beautiful Nelsons Bay, Port Stephens, I have never been myself but I've heard its nice. So lets hope it is.

I love holidays, I love how excited Hugh gets (and Julian no doubt as well) but what I don't enjoy is trying to get Hugh to sleep on holidays. It always ends badly. He wakes at the crack of dawn which is 6am for us, and goes to sleep around 10.30pm this all leads to a very overtired and cranky boy. If there was a way to fix this I'd love to know as we try all the tricks in the book. Speaking of waking during the night ... Mr J.D.K still wakes and you know what? I've accepted it. I don't like it, but I figure that god darn child is just so cute that it doesn't matter. However ask me the same question at 1am and again at 4.30am!

I will take many photos while I'm away and will blog when I return. We are staying for a week and it will be a week without internet access. Will I survive?? Most likely yes ... just. However I will have serious blog withdrawals and Averil, don't go having baby Thumble on me. I haven't missed a birth of yours yet.

Until next time

Nicole x

Happy 1st Birthday Julian.

2009-10-20T20:49:00.004+11:00

Julian (aka Little D) is one. He is no longer my baby. Sad, but at the same time I saw this coming months ago. Julian I believe lost his 'babyness' at around 10 months, around the same time he started walking. One thing he hasn't lost or should that be gained is his ability to sleep through the night. Julian, is still waking. I offically have a toddler that doesn't sleep through!

However lets not talk about that and how bout I flood this entry with photos of my second born son, the beautiful, beautiful, Julian Dean, my little mini toddler...

~Julian waking up as a 1 year old ... even if it was 5am!~
(oh and note the teeth marks on his cot, he has only started doing this in the last week!)

~Julian waking up again on his birthday at a more reasonable hour of 8am~
You will note he is in our bed this time. At 6.30am after an hour and half of trying to get him back sleep I gave up and brought him into our bed to sleep with us. I'll do anything for sleep! Anything!

~Toasts Crusts~
He scored this morning! Hugh threw his left over toast crusts to Julian to eat which you will notice on the floor around him. Now thats love. Hugh obviously today thought being a one year old and all that he was now 'worthy' of this crusts.

~1 Year~
I took this photo of the both of us at 3.45pm which is exactly 1 year to the day, hour and minute he was born.

Happy First Birthday Julian. You are your mummy's boy, your daddy's buddy, and your brothers friend. You are one very special boy and a gift to everyone that meets you.

Love you forever and always. Mummy xx

Until next time

Nicole x

Party in the Park.

2009-10-17T21:41:00.002+11:00

~The Invite~

Tomorrow is Julian's first birthday party. We are having a BBQ in the local park. I'm so thankful the weather has decided to take a turn and a turn for the better. It is actually looking like it will be a spring like day tomorrow, sunny and 19 degrees. Compared to the last few weeks where it has been like winter with tops of barely 14 degrees!!

Julian hasn't the slightest idea that it is his big day tomorrow Hugh however is as excited as anything. Bless him. I never did get to throw Hugh a first birthday party as Hugh turned one the day after moved into our current home. It was also the week I returned to work and the week my period returned. I will never forget that week!!!

So tomorrow I hope will be a great day for all and I promise to take lots of photos and be back later to report on how the day went.

Until next time

Nicole x

Over Reaction?

2009-10-12T20:24:00.002+11:00

I'm still not sure whether or not I "overreacted" by calling the ambulance but Luke tends to think I did.

This morning I called the ambulance for Julian. I was just SO worried about him. You see, after the whole incident with Hugh back when he was 14 months (you may recall I blogged about it here) I have never been the same. That event has really scarred me. I haven't been the same since.

Also given Julians Lung issue, any breathing issues concern me more than it normally would.

Hugh wasn't well last week but in true Hugh style, he threw up and got over the bug in 24 hours. Julian however, not so lucky. It really wiped him out, he had a temp, was very lethargic and sleepy. He recovered and I thought we were on the mend. Until last night, he woke coughing and really struggling to breathe. He also sounded very wet on the lungs. At 4am I decided I would take him to the doctor first thing in the morning. I couldn't get into my usual doctor so called around, can you believe all the doctors in my area were fully booked?!? (must be the unseasonal cold weather at the moment here in Canberra)

I ended up getting squeezed into a doctor nearby. I put Julian to bed and thought I'd wake him before his appointment. When I did go to get him he was worse, much worse. He was really struggling to breath and could hardly draw a breath, he looked really odd, I wouldn't say white or pale, more a grey colour. My instincts were SCREAMING at me to do something. I grabbed Hugh and was about to head to the hospital. I put Julian down so I could get Hugh's shoes and organise a few things but Julian became hysterical. However he couldn't cry at all, he couldn't even draw breath, this worried me more. I also noticed his chest was being sucked right in every time he tried to breath and when he did manage a breath it was very short and shallow. I started having visions of him turning blue in the backseat of the car while I drove the 25mins to the hospital. I really started to panic. I watched every single breath Julian was taking and he was struggling so much and at times would stop, I ended up calling 000.

Fifteen minutes later the ambulance arrived and Julian was checked over. She agreed he was having some trouble breathing but his oxygen levels weren't too bad and his lower lungs seemed to be ok. She advised me to go to the hospital. I intended on going to hospital but Julian seemed better so I ended up taking him to the doctor instead. He has a bad case of croup which I knew it was, the reason I was so worried was because he was struggling to breath and I am convinced around his mouth was starting to turn blue.

Julian is much better now, still very VERY croupy and wheezy but 100 times better than when I called the ambulance.

Perhaps I overacted, perhaps I didn't. I honestly don't care, peace of mind is much better than regretting or leaving things too late like we did that fateful time with Hugh.

Until next time

Nicole x

Oh and I'm going to book another appointment with the specialist for Julian I'm really not liking the way that every time he is sick, it leads to either a chest infection or difficultly breathing. I guess I'll never know for sure but I hate that he has this underlying lung issue. Hate it.

The New Centre.

2009-09-28T19:52:00.002+10:00

I have enrolled both Hugh and Julian for two days a week (Monday and Tuesday) at the other childcare centre and I'm happy to say I think it was a good move.

Today for the second time I took the boys. This time however I stayed a little longer. Hugh totally surprised me, he ran off and started playing and didn't even say goodbye. Julian however, was not so impressed with the place. When I left Julian for 4 big long minutes to check on Hugh he cried like I have never heard him cry. The poor little man, I honestly didn't think his lungs could produce a cry so loud.

*seriously I didn't think his lungs could. In regards to his lungs, Julian has never been much a crier. Hardly ever cries, even as a newborn he didn't, he just sort of grunted*

So I guess now starts the whole transition into care. I'm feeling much better about Hugh as I'm sure he'll be fine. Yes he has 'issues' with other children and is extremely shy but today you wouldn't have known. I couldn't believe it, he was talking (to me and the main carer) and was really happy. Perhaps he was in a good mood after our fantastic weekend. I don't know what it was but i hope it continues.

Sorry this is a short update but I have so much on at the moment and promise to update you all later.

Until next time

Nicole x

He spoke...

2009-09-19T15:35:00.002+10:00

I really don't know what to do. I don't know if its going to make him worse or help him. Probably make him worse but I don't have a choice.

Friday Hugh went to childcare, I stayed with him for an hour and he spoke to me, others tried talking to him but he didn't respond, however he was ok with talking to me and Julian. It was eventually time to leave and I was tempted to take Hugh with me as I've been talking to Luke and there is really no point in either one of them being there. You see, they can only offer one day and one day isn't enough. I can't return to work only one day a week, it really isn't worth me returning. I'm hoping to go back to work two days a week then increase it to three days, around 6 months later.

I've contacted all the childcare centres in the area and all are at capacity and offer me waiting lists. However by some chance of a miracle one centre I called yesterday can offer both Hugh and Julian two days and more importantly the SAME two days. Finding care for one child is quite easy, its when you have two children that are different ages it gets hard.

So as of Monday, I'm giving our two weeks notice to the old centre. I'm quite sad about it all. Hugh has been going there since he was 11 months old. To pull him out and throw him somewhere new might just be the end of him. However I'm left with no choice. I'm hoping that this centre will be better, hopefully with carers who Hugh will feel comfortable enough with to speak.

So Friday I picked Hugh up and made a comment to one of the carers I said "I've come rescue Hugh from his muteness" Michael (the carer and the most loving carer there who is an asset to that place!!) said Hugh was great today. He had a conversation with Jason at lunch and also was helping Michael prepare afternoon tea as he had asked to help. Also when I arrived I noticed Hugh was talking to another carer, a new lady.

I was hoping to see the opposite, would have made my decision to pull him from there easier. I actually think I know what the issue is. On Friday the two main carers were away, I also asked Hugh who he likes and said "Do you like Michael" to which he said "Yes", "Do you like Sarah" he said Yes, I then said the other names and he said "No". The other few weeks when I have seen Hugh being Mute, Michael hasn't been there and the other two main carers were there. I wander if something happened, if they said something or did something to make him this way. It was just so sudden.

Monday we are going to enroll into another childcare centre. I really hope I'm doing the right thing. I hope it was fate that opened up these spots and someone somewhere is looking out for Hugh. Please let it be the right thing.

Until next time

Nicole x

I have a climber!

2009-09-16T19:46:00.003+10:00

Julian I think is going to be one of those boys that just LOVE to climb. Its crazy. At not even 11 months he is climbing into, onto, everything, I'm amazed at just how well he climbs. Its scary.

Ive heard about these 'climbers' before but Hugh never really was one. Yeah sure he climbed on things every now and then but it wasn't a fascination as it appears to be with Julian.

Here is an example of what happened yesterday and I wish I had my camera as it was hands down one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Which reminds me, have I told you the other funniest thing I have seen/witnessed? It was recently involving Hugh.

Ok first story.

Yesterday it was time to visit the library again as our books were due back and it was time for some new books. Yay! 4 weeks is plenty of time for our borrowed books as after the first week I already can relay the story blindfolded.

Hugh and Julian were playing and I was browsing the aisles for new books. This actually excites me, I love looking for new books, I just love childrens books and every visit look for the perfect book!

*side note, our last borrowed book "The Bears Lunch"by Pamela Allen was a MASSIVE hit with Hugh. He was scared at first (and yes its quite a scary book for a child) but after the first time when he discovered the bear doesn't eat the children he absolutely loved it!*

So I was browsing the aisles and kept an eye on the boys. I looked up again short time later and couldn't see Julian. I didn't panic as I thought he must have wandered up a few aisles. I walked up and down the aisles and couldn't find him. I called out for him (not sure what I was hoping for exactly as he can't respond just yet) but he didn't come out from wherever he was. I started panicking, fear raced through me and rose in the back of my throat. It was a horrible feeling. Then in the corner of my eye I noticed something moving amongst the books. I turned around and there was Julian IN the book shelf on the second shelf amongst the books!!! I grabbed him immediately and then just started to laugh. You really had to see this sight and if only I had a picture.

~Picture walking up and down the aisles looking for a child, to discover he is in the shelf!~

The other funny thing I have witnessed....

A month or two back Hugh was playing outside with Brewstar. He was going in an out the laundry door with leads outside. I was blogging or emailing at the time. I heard him go outside and in, an outside again. I could hear him outside. When I was finished emailing (about 5 mins later) I got up to go outside and check on him. Hugh wasn't there. He was not in the backyard and I knew he wasn't inside as I didn't hear the door open. I panicked. Brewstar wasn't out the back either. I immediately started picturing Hugh and Brewstar walking the main street. I checked the gate it was closed. I then thought, maybe Hugh and Brewstar did escape and they closed the gate behind them. (to my knowledge Hugh cannot yet reach the gate to unlock as its very high).

I ran inside the house in a mad panic grabbed Julian as I was about to go running down the street screaming for Hugh. As I was heading towards the front door I heard the sound of water running. Instant relief ran over me, it sounded like a shower in our ensuite. I walked into the ensuite and the sight that met me was hilarious. There was Hugh outside the shower, mirror fogged up steam everywhere and poor Brewstar in the corner of the shower scared out of his wits.

I yelled

"Hugh what are you doing"

to which he replied

"giving Brewstar a shower mummy"

I wish I had my camera. I really do. I was so shocked I didn't have time to get the camera, instead I had to get a dripping wet dog out of the house.

You had to be there, but how Hugh had managed to bring Brewstar inside, into the shower without me knowing is beyond me. Also what possessed Hugh to put Brewstar in the shower in the first place? Its just such an odd thing to do.

Its stories like these that make me realise just how special and never boring it is being a mother, in particular a mother of boys. The fun just never ends.

Until next time

Nicole x

P.s. I went to the GP regarding Hugh. He seemed rather perplexed about the whole thing. He didn't seem to think there was a problem as Hugh was talking (to me) the whole time we were there. I explained everything to him and he has given me a referral to see a pediatrician. I haven't made an appointment yet as at the moment I want to watch him again on Friday and speak to the childcare centre. I am taking action on this matter. At the moment I want to get all my facts straight before I head off to a pediatrician.

Its just all adding up.

2009-09-14T10:45:00.002+10:00

Since Friday I've been doing nothing but thinking and analyzing everything regarding Hugh and its all just adding up.

How had I not noticed this before?

I needed to see what I saw on Friday as if I hadn't who knows how long this would have went on unnoticed.

Luke and I have been having some serious discussions and its comforting to see just how concerned Luke is about this matter. Luke on the weekend and in particular Friday night was just so caring and loving towards Hugh (more so than usual) and even let him get away with a lot more. It broke Luke's heart when I told him, and I also saw my own mother tear up when I told her. Its just so heartbreaking. We all know and love Hugh and this isn't him, this isn't fair on him. I just hope he isn't suffering on the inside. He is happy at home.

I have a doctors appointment today after lunch, not sure what will happen here or what I'm even going to say. I just want to know what to do next and where to go from here.

I'm so tempted to pull him from childcare but I can't do this, I don't think this will help at all, this will only make matters worse. Maybe family day care? In someones home with more one on one care, he tends to prefer that.

Hugh has never been 'normal' and what I've always classed as 'high needs' but perhaps he is just anxious. Here are some examples of Hugh s behavior which I have noticed before but never thought much of it until now. It all adds up.

Playgrounds/Playgroup/Play Centres

Hugh has never and by never I mean NEVER played on his own here. Whenever I take him to a park I must go on all equipment with him, hold his hand and play with him. However I have noticed this only happens when other kids are at the park or playground which is 9 times out of 10. If there are no kids he will happily go down a slide or play by himself.

In my mothers group which I haven't been attending lately as I just walk out feeilng depressed and like I have a dodgy child, Hugh will not play by himself, I must sit and play with him which defeats the purpose of mothers group. I never get to talk to the mothers.

Julian during all this? Absolutely fine. He will happily sit on his own, play on his own, I usually put him down somewhere and play with Hugh while he watches. I go on and on about this to people like its a really amazing thing when in fact what Julian is doing is considered normal. I have never had this experience, a child that you can leave alone.

Supermarkets/Shopping Centres

No real issue here. Hugh is Hugh and will talk to me and will behave like a typical 3 year old would in these places. However, if another person talks to him, asks him a question or says hello he clings to my leg and will hide. He has never run off on me once and will also be at no further than an arms length distance from me at all times. Which is great as he has never run off in his life. No way I'd ever lose Hugh.

Jumping out of his skin

This is something I've noticed recently and actually brought up to Luke as this concerned me. I've noticed that Hugh lately if he is at a playground or anywhere where other children are and they approach him he literally jumps, starts shaking and runs to me. He seems very shaken and scared. I also don't think I've seen him talk to another child before.

I want to go home now Mummy

Hugh has started saying this to me often when out. Pretty much anytime when there are lots of children around.

There are many other things that we have noticed and are putting together but those are just a few at the top of my head.

I want to get this sorted before its too late and before he starts school. That is my fear, that this will continue and he will struggle at school and worse, struggle to make friends.

Hugh is such a clever, smart, funny and outspoken (at home) little boy and I want the whole world to see that.

Until next time

Nicole x

It breaks my heart .....

2009-09-11T21:54:00.006+10:00

Today I felt an emotion that I haven't experienced before and it was just horrible.

The pain I felt just broke my heart, in fact I think thats what the pain was - my heart breaking.

I felt so helpless and sad. My Hugh. The poor guy.

This could be a really long entry but I don't think I'll go into it just yet, as I'm not sure if this is going to be what I think it will be. He is yet to be diagnosed but my instincts are telling me something just isn't right. Never doubt a mothers instincts.

What broke my heart today was seeing Hugh at childcare. I've noticed this before but today I found it heartbreaking.

The past two weeks I've been going for an hour as Julian starts in a few weeks (I return to work soon, and I'm not happy about it!!!) anyway as I'm settling Julian in I also get a chance to 'spy' on Hugh. Its great as I love to watch him interact with other children and playing. However, he isn't interacting and he certainly isn't playing. He is just sitting there. Alone. I witnessed this for 25 mins, not one person spoke to him, not a carer, another child, no one. He sat looking at the ground.

This was so hard to watch, I even started to cry a little but had to pull myself together and walked away and played with Julian (we were inside the infants/babies room and I was looking out a window at the older kids playing).

When it was time to go outside I went outside and spoke to his main carer and asked about Hugh. She said he is always like that.

What I haven't said here or blogged about is what she said to me a few weeks ago.

She said

"Does Hugh talk much at home"

When she asked me this I instantly thought the poor lady, Hugh probably talks non stop and doesn't shut up as thats what he does when he is home. I said.

"Yes, all the time, sorry is he talking to much?"

She said

"the opposite, he doesn't say a word, he never talks. Ever. hardly makes eye contact".

I thought he was shy and left it at that.

Today, has me thinking differently. What I witnessed today was not my child, that was not Hugh, well not the Hugh I know and love.

I of course spoke to her about what I saw and she said she and the other carer are monitoring him because they are concerned about his 'muteness'. I asked how he goes to the toilet unless he speaks as at home he comes running saying

"quick quick I have to go to the toilet"

She said he doesn't tell them, they often find him in the toilet trying to pull his pants down.

I of course went home and googled what my instincts were telling me "Selective Mutism"

Have you heard of it??

As I read, it was Hugh all over. Every single thing and 'warning sign' Hugh displayed. After reading this I doubt very highly that Hugh isn't selectively mute.

I don't know what to do next? I think I'll take him to the GP then maybe get a referral to a psychiatrist. The sooner he is diagnosed the sooner I can start to help him. There is no cure but I just hope by the time he starts school he can at least utter some words out in public.

Some may think I'm overacting. I really hope I am and he is just 'shy', but you know how you know when something just isn't right? This isn't right.

Until next time

Nicole x

A nutty situation.

2009-09-05T19:53:00.002+10:00

You've heard of it, seen it on all those medical shows but never once did I think it would happen to my child. Or that my child was one of 'those kids'.

I'm still questioning myself over whether it really happened? It was just so odd...

Hugh had a big day today and this afternoon we put on some tv for him while I prepared dinner. I went to check on him as dinner was almost done and noticed he had just drifted off to sleep. Damn. However this happens occasionally and as it was almost 5pm I woke him up. But as I was about to wake him I noticed his breathing was a little loud, almost snuffled. I investigated further and noticed something in his nose. I thought it was just a really big booger. So I (as gross as this is to admit) stuck my finger in to pull it out. However it didn't come out and it was rather hard, too hard for my liking. I knew it was a foreign object and something that shouldn't be up there.

I called out to Luke (Hugh had woken at this point) and asked him to come have a look. Luke said 'its just a booger' I told him thats what I thought but if you touch it and look closer it isn't. Luke went and fetched the tweezers for me. Hugh was not happy about this so Luke had to pin him down a bit. I've watched one too many RPA type medical shows were children have ended up in the ER due to objects in either their nose or ears etc.

So I carefully placed the tweezers up his nose and managed to pull the object out first go. What was it? A peanut, a whole peanut. I couldn't believe it. When and how did that get up there? Hugh must have had the nut up there for some time as I remembered giving him some honey flavoured nuts earlier in the day. It was just such an odd and random occurance. He has never shoved anything up his nose before and he obviously had forgotten about it or maybe he hadn't? He certainly didn't mention it to us and I still don't believe it. A peanut up his nose. Wierd.

The life of us at times certainly isn't boring. Boys hey! They certainly keep you on your toes.

Until next time

Nicole x

First steps...

2009-08-28T14:23:00.006+10:00

I need to start updating my blog more often but honestly I'm too darn tired. I'm in a bad way at the moment, 10 months of Julian waking and only getting 6-7 hours (on a good night) of broken sleep is getting to me.

I know it will end, but I'm losing hope that it will end soon.

I'm also getting VERY annoyed at people who tell me that there babies or children still wake every night. Really? Do they really? Because you seem way too bloody chirpy to be sleep deprived. I no longer bring it up in my mothers group because I don't think their babies wake, yes I'm sure they do but maybe once or twice a week, not EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT for the past 10 months.

Anyway I'm not going on about it anymore as I don't have the energy too.

Julian though is still such a blessing even though the darned child won't sleep. He is 10 months old and taking his very first steps and .... I have footage but I want to get some better footage of it.

At the moment this is all I have

Julian would have walked further but that sound in the background and what distracted him was Hugh, he was about to dive on him I think.

I think by 11 months Julian will be walking permanently. At the moment its a general mix between walking and crawling and I must say, how cute are they when they take their very first steps.

Oh and for those curious. This is Hughs first steps at 10.5 months

until next time

Nicole x

Do you think this is concerning?

2009-08-20T16:13:00.002+10:00

For those that have read my blog for some time will remember me posting about Hugh and his uneven nipples. Or more so lopsided chest.

When Hugh was born the doctors noticed it and said it wasn't a problem and that it was just the hormones from my breast milk. I believed them.

At around 6 months Hugh still had an uneven chest and I brought it up again with the Maternal health nurse. She told me that it must be a Hugh thing and obviously just a trait. She didn't seem concerned.

Last night I was taking photos of my boys in the bath and have finally got a photo that shows you what I mean. It's not often I take photos of Hugh topless so thats why its been until now. So what do you think?

~ See what I mean?~

It honestly doesn't bother me, I just worry sometimes that it could be something more. I know when he is older he can cover it up with chest hair (that's if he gets chest hair) or he could work out and get some serious pecs which might even it up a little.

We don't visit the doctor very often and when I do I normally forget to bring it up as I'm usually seeing them about something different. I think next time I might bring it up. Just to be on the safe side.

Until next time

Nicole x

Time to Move.

2009-08-19T10:26:00.002+10:00

I think its time to move Julian out of our room. Yes he is still in our bedroom.

Gee, oh gee, what have I done or created? I really hope this won't be a problem. Why have I left it so long??

Because I'm lazy. There I said it. I'm too lazy and fear (and I do mean fear) getting up multiple times during the night (Julian still DOES not sleep through) and trecking down to the other end of the house. As I have mentioned this also includes stairs, so its not a 'short walk' so to speak.

I'm hoping that by moving him might actually be the magic cure that helps him sleep through. I really don't think it will matter though. I also wander how Hugh will go with Julian waking at all hours and crying in the room next to him.

I guess only time will tell. Hmm, how about this weekend? Or will I put it off yet again. Come Monday, I'd say Julian will still be in our room.

Come on Nicole. Move the boy!

Until next time

Nicole x

This shows it better.

2009-08-15T09:30:00.003+10:00

Photos taken this morning. Now these photos better capture the wisp.

~Wis'spike~

~Wispy~

I will update again shortly as Julian turns 10 months in 5 days and I hope to have footage of him taking his first steps as he took two steps the other day. I just want to cry, my little baby is no longer a baby. He is a mini toddler :8(

Until next time

Nicole x

Wispy Woo

2009-08-14T15:39:00.003+10:00

Julian has a few nicknames some very basic and boring like JD, JDK, Jules but one that has stuck and been around for a while is "Wispy Woo".

I have never in my life come across another baby or child with hair like my son Julian. It is the most wispiest you have ever seen. Its awesome.

I have taken many photos, but none quite capture the true 'wispyness' of it. But its just so cute. When out with Julian he often gets comments and compliments but the most common is the 'wow, look at that hair, so spiky'.

Luke however looks at Julians hair with more a technical approach. He is rather nervous as he doesn't quite know how to approach it. I also don't want him cutting it anytime soon as its just so wispy and cute. It will thicken up some day soon but in the meantime I just wanted to blog about it as its just so god damn adorable.

Here is some of my latest pictures of Julian, see if you can notice the hair....

~Wispy Woo~

~Wispy, however the photo is a little dark to tell~

Until next time

Nicole x

Tomorrow is here.

2009-08-13T09:07:00.001+10:00

Its a new day and its only 9am but it looks as though its going to be no better than yesterday. Worse even.

Oh, no not I, I will survive,

Oh as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive

I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give

And I, l will survive, I will survive....Hey, hey

I will survive this. I will.

Until next time

Nicole x

If I ever ...

2009-08-12T15:37:00.006+10:00

Begin to even suggest a third child, mention another, even so much as think about what it would be like with another little one please someone slap me.

Days like today make me want to go and get my tubes tied, actually not tied as that's not quite permanent enough, how about just removing my entire uterus and while your there (just to be safe) give Luke the snip.

Arrggh. Children.

Perhaps I'm failing at this mother gig but some days are just so hard. So hard. I guess whats made it worse is Julian, for the first time in his life he is being somewhat demanding. That child is the angel child, if he slept at night he would be perfect. Hugh is Hugh and has always been high needs but when they are both needy its just one very long and tiring day.

I just feel so exhausted, so over it and I really have lost myself. The old me. I have no idea where she went but I think she left a few months ago.

I also hate that on days like today I just can't wait until I have them both in bed and even then on some nights isn't until 9pm!!

Oh the joys and more recently lows of motherhood. Tomorrow is another day and I'm sure it will be better. Please let it be better.

Until next time

Nicole x

Sorry.

2009-08-05T11:16:00.007+10:00

Sorry I haven't been blogging as much as I should or more so would like. There are many reasons, time, but lately effort. I barely have the energy to survive the day and that's what I do most days - try to survive.

Motherhood can be so hard and its just so self sacrificing yet I love every single minute of it and wouldn't change a single thing however ....

What is with me having a baby that will not sleep through the night? Its killing me. Nine and a bit months is an awful long time without sleep, well yes there has been sleep but very minimal.

Julian did start sleeping through recently and I got all excited and ahead of myself in thinking that this was the start of something. Wrong. He is back to waking and last night topped it all. Every single hour. I really hope its a tooth or something that just passes.

I've tried not breastfeeding him back to sleep, just offering water and resettling etc and awful lot of good that did. He became hysterical. I know he isn't waking for a feed as this boy can put away a lot of food. He is also around 9.5kgs or more, he is becoming a tank - hee hee.

I just hope it passes and soon. Imagine going to work after a night like last night. Which brings me to another issue. Returning to work.

Man I hate my job, so much so that I'd honestly rather shovel dog poo, eat it even. I might even go as far to say as I'd rather have a night like last night every night than return to work. Its not the working part that bothers me its my actual work. I'm over that place and do not in the slightest bit enjoy what I do.

I'm due back September 3rd and I'm currently in the process of extending that until early November (I'll take leave without pay). When I return in late Oct/Early Nov one of the first things I will be doing is applying for other jobs. I want out and I want it soon.

Why do I work? I honestly don't really need to as Luke with his current job can afford for me to be a stay at home mum. However the extra income helps and Lukes job isn't secure, he contracts and can be 'cut loose' at any time with very little notice. Scary. If Luke were ever to lose his job or become unemployed we honestly couldn't afford to live, my wage would barely just cover our mortgage.

Enough of that depressing stuff.

In my delirious half awake state I'll end this post with a photo my gorgeous, delicious yet mischievous boys.

~Busted - Helping themselves to many an item in the pantry~

(yes those crumbs you see on the floor are crushed weatbix. Delightful!)

Until next time

Nicole x

9 Months.

2009-07-21T10:44:00.002+10:00

Julian Dean is 9 months and the more I look at him and watch him the more I realise I'm losing my baby - sob sob.

~no longer my baby ~

Julian these days is so much more like an inquisitive toddler than a baby. He is so active, into everything and I fear that he will be more work than his brother was. Now that is scary. You see Julian just has no fear, I think this is mainly due to his brother constantly beating him up.

The photo below was taken yesterday.

~war wounds~

Notice anything under his eye? At first I thought it was blood, it isn't. Well it sort of is, its a blood blister or bruise. Hugh of course did this, as well as the 3 bumps and bruises he has on head. I know Hugh loves him and means well most of the time but other times its just so downright malicious. Poor Julian, my poor sweet innocent little boy. The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing that Julian will be stronger because of it and I guess that's what its like to grow up with an older brother. I've never witnessed this sibling rivalry as my brother is the only male in the family and amongst two sisters. However Luke has a brother 18 months younger than him and tells me that he use to do the same to his brother and Sean has turned out ok and says he never thought anything of it. So there is hope for Julian.

Julian is coming along in leaps and bounds.

At 9 months he has two teeth. Yep only two.

Is cruising along furniture and will take steps to me when I'm nearby and even when I'm not looking which always ends in Julian falling face first onto the floor.

Is finally sleeping through - woo hoo. However he will wake once or twice a week which is fine with me.

Is still in our room but I'm moving him soon, I promise.

Babbles all the time and says "Da Da Dad" and "Ma Ma Maaaa"

Can drink out of bottles and cups and attempts to feed himself.

Julian is still a very cuddly boy who just loves hims mum and is contanstly smothering me in wet sloppy kisses. Man I love that boy!

Julian Dean, happy 9 months my baby boy.

Until next time

Nicole x

H.F.D

2009-07-17T16:30:00.003+10:00

Its time to update my neglected blog I think.

Lately with Julian on his feet and cruising about the place and Hugh dropping his day sleep months and months ago there is just no time to blog. Except Fridays, when both Julian and I have our HFD (Hugh Free Day).

I just love my Hugh free day, don't get me wrong in thinking that I don't miss him or feel guilty that I send him to childcare once a week but we need it. Both us, Julian and I. Its so lovely to spend time alone with Julian and Julian is a different boy when Hugh isn't around jumping on top of him, ripping every single toy from him. The poor boy actually gets to play without being physically assaulted. Must be pure bliss for him.

Speaking of Hugh, he finally got his very first BIG BED during the week and I must say it is the most awesome bed I have ever laid my eyes on. Its none other than a Thomas the Tank Engine bed. Hugh was completely speechless when it arrived and every night (I'm sure the novelty will wear off soon) he is just so damn excited to 'jump aboard' the train.

~The Bed~

The one problem with the bed though is that Hugh wants to play on it rather than sleep in it. Still you can't blame him as this bed is just like a train, it even sits on wheels. No photo can do this bed justice.

~Hugh playing on his bed~

Up until now Hugh was still in his cot/toddler bed but he was starting to look a bit big for it as Hugh I think may have finally had a growth spurt. My Hugh is a bit on the little side I think, bless him.

Julian. Well he is almost 9 months and is just the light of my life at the moment. He is such a mummys boy and I believe he even said Mum the other day. It was at 4am. I thought he had been saying it and told Luke who shrugged it off. Then the other night at 4am he woke, Luke went to get him (Julian is still in our room) anyway I had to go to the toilet and went. Julian was whinging during this time then as soon as he saw me he said 'mmaaaaa uuuaam' and held out his arms to me as I walked past and basically lunged himself at me. Lukes mouth dropped. Luke couldn't believe it. I honestly didn't think a baby could say the word at 8 months. Hugh was VERY slow, didn't say it until 21 months, but 8 months. Man, I love that boy.

Speaking of that boy, I'd better go check on him as I can hear him in the kitchen. Time to child proof things I think.

Until next time

Nicole x

*oh and the dreaded period returned with a force two days ago. I knew it was coming. I guess we'll see how this affects our breastfeeding as I know with Hugh, he stopped a month after*

Our Coast Trip.

2009-07-08T10:35:00.003+10:00

Last weekend we went to the south coast and had a fabulous time. Julian I think was born to travel or go on holidays. It really brings the best out of him. He was so vocal on the holiday, talking non stop, even dancing at one point. I have to post footage of Julian bopping. Its just too bloody cute!

~Julian born to holiday!~

Hugh also had a great time. Hugh had been going on for weeks about a 'holiday' and kept saying he wanted to go so Luke and I decided that since Luke had the Friday off that we go away for a weekend. So we did.

~Hugh VERY excited to be heading off on holiday~
(note Franklin. Thanks to Charlie I found him in the UK and had him shipped over, Hugh hasn't noticed he is a 'new' franklin)

The holiday was also good for Luke as he finished up with his job at IBM on Thursday and now works for some government department. Luke is in IT for those curious so its all above my head. Computers, data, etc etc ... nerdy stuff!

It was too cold to swim but the weather was nice, sunny and not as cold as it is here in Canberra. We all had that great a time that we have decided to go again for a week in September. However we will travel a bit further north this time and try somewhere up near Port Stephens and Nelsons Bay - 5 hours away. This will be the longest we have traveled with the boys in the car. I'm of course dreading it. I hate traveling that far so can only imagine how horrible it would be for two very active little boys!

Remember posting earlier that I think my period returned?

Well it hasn't but she is on her way! I'm 100% ovulating at the moment, no denying it. I took OPK's which were positive but really didn't need to as I can feel the crampy and ovulation pain that I get but more so my libido - look out! Its honestly out of this roof. This is why I love NO CONTRACEPTION, in particular the pill as I love feeling this way. Still its time I get back on it so I'm off to the doctor tonight for the dreaded pap smear and my pill prescription. We don't want anymore children just yet. Still undecided on number 3 and if it will ever happen. Deep down I know it will just not sure when.

Until next time

Nicole x

One Unlucky Day.

2009-07-01T16:41:00.003+10:00

Yesterday 30th June 2009 was one VERY unlucky day. It also happened to be my 29th birthday.

It started out fine, well actually it didn't as about an hour after I woke the first incident happened. Poor Julians head. His brother is to blame, in fact his brother is always to blame. Then it was his nose. Again Hugh. Julian is looking a little worse for wear at the moment the poor guy. He is sporting two huge big black & blue bumps on his head and one scrapped nose. The nose scrape I admit is very cute. If you look at his nose closely you see 4 scrape marks. Do you want to know what caused this? Aluminum foil! Yep, I'm serious. You know the Al foil and Cling wrap boxes, well Hugh picked up one of those and hit Julian with it and the perforated edge bit that you use to tear off the foil, scraped his poor little button nose and caused it to bleed and also the suspicious but cute marks.

At 10.30 it was time for my hair appointment so I left Julian and Hugh with Luke.

Hair appointment was great, two hours kid free, coffee in one hand magazine in another. After my hair appointment I went to buy a lotto ticket along with the 20 other million Australians that did that day. Buying lotto tickets isn’t new to me, I’ve been buying them for years and believe one day I’ll win some. Not millions but enough!

After that it was time to head home. I actually bumped into my dad whilst heading back to my car. I almost caught him red handed buying my birthday card, bless him. As I walked closer to my car I noticed it had a little glisten that I hadn’t noticed before then as I got closer the glisten became clear. It wasn’t a glisten but in fact a huge bloody dent in my car. My car. On my birthday. No note was left. It was a little ding or scrape either. It was around the size of a basketball and actually looked as though a basket ball had been pushed into the back end of my car. My dad was rather annoyed, more so that me. I’m still surprised at how not angry I am about it. No rage, no anger. Odd.

Anyway dad mentioned it was a white car as there was white paint on my purple pulsar so together we searched the car park for a white car with my purple paint. Obviously our search was unsuccessful!

So back home it was. Luke also wasn’t as mad as I had thought he would be. Its funny as I’m always having a dig at Luke for parking miles upon miles away from anyway just to find the perfect ‘spot’. Luke has always been paranoid about this sort of thing happening whereas I thought yeah right. Well yeah right to me as it does happen. It happened to me!

My car is looking better now. Luke went to it with a hairdryer and hammer. Long story but Luke did some research on google and surprisingly google came through in the end!

Later that day I saw my psychic. I thought being my birthday it would be a good day for a reading. A lot was said, nothing really of significance except that a child came up again. This soul that is around me. Its nice to know he/she is there if we decide to bring another child into this world. She also told me the sex of this child which she has said twice now. Still I’m not sure whether or not to believe her but I guess if I have another child time will tell.

The day ended with dinner. This surprisingly went without a hitch. Yay, however Hugh was very tired and spent the entire time under the table almost sleeping!

So that was my day. I’m now a 29 year old. The last year of my twenties. I’d better make it a good one.

Until next time

Nicole x

Dodging bullets.

2009-06-27T19:58:00.004+10:00

It appears Luke and I may have dodged a bullet. Or is that the egg?

At 8 months after having Julian it appears my period has returned. Damn. Perhaps this is why Julian was loosing interest in his beloved boobie milk a few days ago?

Up until now Luke and I haven't been using ANY contraception. Just the good old withdrawal method with a few mistakes here and there - gasp! Lucky for us, we haven't fallen pregnant.

Now for some contraception. I was waiting until my period returned before I started any pill or other form of contraception as last time the pill just didn't agree with me but I may just have to go on it again. I don't like it. Previously I had no problems with the pill, then again I didn't know any different or life without the pill. When on the pill I loose my drive, I still have it but no where near as much, I also find that I put on a few extra kilos which I'd prefer not to.

I'm actually thinking of trying the IUCD (Intrauterine contraceptive device) or coil. It sounds a little scary especially the insertion part but I like the idea that it will be hormone free. I also like that once inserted it can remain for 5 - 10 years. However I don't think I'd ever use it that long. I'm going to speak to the doctor about it. In the meantime I'll just end up on the mini pill as Julian is still breastfeeding.

Its so unfair how its us girls that have to do all this stuff. Luke would more than willingly do something if he could - all but use condoms that is!! Condoms are just not going to happen. I don't mind them but Luke (as most males) hates them, loss of feeling etc etc. Luke is always going on about a male pill. He wishes there was a male pill and so do I. I know its been talk for some time but I don't think it will ever eventuate. If only it did, I know that I could rely on Luke taking it 100%.

Contraception - pfft.

Until next time

Nicole x

Where'd my baby go?

2009-06-24T20:01:00.004+10:00

I'm feeling VERY sad lately.

Julian is growing up and fast. I don't remember ever feeling this way with Hugh, I'm just so emotional about it all. Julian is so close to walking its scary. He has started pulling himself up on every single thing he can get his hands on and is cruising around furniture at a rapid rate. He is 8 months 4 days. This is crazy! Hugh was an early walker and took his first steps unaided at 10.5 months. Julian may just beat that.

~Standing proud and tall~

Look at him. Does he look like an 8 month old? He is looking all grown up and toddler like. I don't want him to leave his babyhood just yet. Ever in fact. I just want my baby for as long as possible.

It doesn't help that for the past 3 days Julian is showing no interest in my breast milk. I'm distraught. He is teething (finally) at the moment and cutting two teeth so I'm hoping maybe this has something to do with it? I offer, he sucks for all of 30 seconds and pulls away. He isn't having any other form of milk, only water.

I'll keep purserveering however if it continues I may just have to accept that my little boy no longer wants me.

Must be my hormones as this has all come on so fast. Within the last week Julian has started teething, pulling up and almost walking, going of breastmilk AND sleeping through until 6am and only waking once if at all - woo hoo to that.

I'll end this entry with some footage I took today of my boys playing together which isn't often as Hugh normally ends it all with a tackle. In fact I think he did at the end of this footage. Excuse the pegs, that was part of the 'game'. I've never uploaded footage before and wanted to try it out. If this works, then watch out, I have THOUSANDS upon THOUSANDS of footage!

Until next time

Nicole x

Happy 3rd Birthday Hugh!

2009-06-18T20:36:00.007+10:00

~My 3 Year Old~

Hugh is 3.

Well he actually isn't 3 just yet as for those that followed my blog way back to when Hugh was born (yes that means I've been writing in this blog/diary now for over 3 years) well for those that remember Hugh was born at 5 minutes to midnight! I still even question if he was born on the 18th as the nurse when filling out the paperwork asked 'what time was he born' and they all looked at the clock and said 'hmm, 5 to midnight. maybe'.

Gee if it was any other time it wouldn't matter to be so aloof about the whole thing but when your dealing with midnight, your dealing with a whole new day, a whole new birthday date!

Anyway it was my big mans 3rd birthday today and a great day it was. I had been looking forward to this birthday for some time now. Hugh is finally at an age where he gets excited about things and can really enjoy and appreciate a birthday. Plus, truth be told, I'd been gearing him up all week about this impending birthday. Hugh was just so excited, so excited that I had never seen him so full of energy the night before. The poor guy couldn't contain his excitement.

The day started around 7.45am when Hugh woke. I'm quite lucky here that I don't have an 'early riser' but let me tell you that he also goes to bed late and will NEVER be in bed asleep before 7.30pm much to my dismay.

The night before I blew up balloons and tied a few to his door and put some in his room so he would wake up to a room full of balloons. I also decided that when he woke I would go surprise him in his room with his breakfast (peanut butter and honey on toast) singing Happy Birthday.

~Surprise!~

Hughs face when he saw me, the toast, and the candle was priceless. I really wish I had caught this expression on camera as its one I've never seen before.

After breakfast it was time for present opening. This whole process took a good hour or more. Not because there were thousands of presents but because Hugh, like at Christmas, will open one present at a time and demand that it be opened and he play with it for a good 15-20 mins before we tear him away from it and force (and I do mean force) him to open more. I guess the mistake made here was the first present he opened was a toy microwave and he LOVED it, still does. I knew he would love it as he always plays with them when we visit some of his girl play mates houses.

~The el cheapo toy mircowave he LOVES~

Most of the day was spent playing with all the new toys. Luke took the day off work which was good as I needed him home to construct the Thomas track. I still haven't got the hang of that, as much as I try I can never design these awesome tracks that Luke can. I always just stick with a plain a simple circle or figure eight style. Easy. Simple. All I can manage.

The plan for the day was to take the boys to a local play centre but Julian threw our plans. My poor little man isn't well. He this really big nasty cough and is still fighting a cold. I do worry about my youngest of men. As Julian was extra sleepy and whingy today I decided that I'd take Hugh someone on my own and leave Julian with Luke.

So as it was just Hugh and I, so I took him to see a dinosaur exhibition they have at the moment and Hugh LOVED it. We had a great time, they were VERY realistic and I wouldn't be surprised if Hugh has nightmares tonight as he was a little frightened of them.

Its funny how Hugh can be scared of big dinasuars yet the remote control spider we bought him he loves. I love it, its great. Luke HATES it and keeps saying "Nicole, I don't want that thing in this house"

Can I ask. Would you have a problem with this in your house?

~The toy spider~

~Toy spider on Hugh's back~

Its very realistic looking but how great is it? It walks and crawls just like a real spider. I love it. I'm actually starting to think perhaps I should have asked for one for my birthday. I think I'm more in love with this spider than Hugh is. It needs a name. I must name him.

So that was our day. A big day. And tomorrow night we are having a little get together at our place for Hugh so even more presents and more excitement for him.

I'll end this entry with two photos.

The first. Me this time 3 years ago.

and

Hugh very first minutes. Oh and check out the date on those photos. It says the 19th June. As I said I still 'question' the date Hugh was born.

Until next time

Nicole x

Hospitals, doctors ....

2009-06-14T11:26:00.004+10:00

Maybe its just me, but really they are starting to annoy me. I know I should be grateful that we have the kind of medicare that we do, but I hope and pray to god that I don't become sick one day and require some medical help!

Its probably just my view but I think they are hopeless.

Friday was Julian's appointment with the pediatrician regarding his lung problem. I'd love to update you all but after 2 hours I left.

The appointment was at 11am, I arrived late and the receptionist even had the audacity to say "hmm your late ... take a seat then" as she looked down at me with disgust. She could have been having a bad day but I've dealt with her before and last time I found her just as rude. I've decided that I don't care for her too much.

So Julian and I sat. The poor guy had to be woken for this appointment so he hadn't even had time for breakfast yet. He is such a good boy and sat on my lap for an hour and totally devoured a rusk stick that I had found. Completely. Right down to the last crumb. Poor guy.

He then played for another hour on the floor. It was at this point - 1.15pm that I noticed that I hadn't even seen our Dr yet. I decided I'd ask the receptionist how long she expected the wait to be as I wanted to take Julian home and give him his breakfast, which was now lunch.

I politely asked her how long the wait would be. Her response.

"Dr McDonald isn't even here yet, he is still doing the rounds"

I think my jaw literally dropped to the floor. He wasn't even here yet? I then asked how many people where in front of Julian and I. She said we had 3 people ahead of us. 3!! It was at this point that I asked if she could reschedule and to my surprise she did.

I wander what time we would have been seen if we had stayed? I know that with three people ahead of us each with a consultation time of around 15-20 minutes that would have been a good hour there.

Gee. What a waste of a Friday.

Maybe I should start taking Julians health a bit more seriously and not walk away from appointments in future. So our next appointment in July I might just wait it out, pack a day bag, heck why not throw in the the portacot as no doubt it too will be a looonnggg and wasted day and I will away none the wiser.

Hospitals. Arrgh!

Until next time

Nicole x

Whats going on?

2009-06-10T11:17:00.003+10:00

Hugh has been toilet trained since February/March.

So why is he all of a sudden poo'ing his pants? I'm over it. Really over it. Nothing worse than scrapping poo, especially poo that isn't even your own from someone elses undies.

I hope its just a thing that passes as I'm praying with all that I have that Hugh hasn't taken a step backwards. He was completely trained, I just don't get it.

Wee accidents I understand, boys get busy, distracted and sometimes you just can't hold it. But a poo? That is no accident, pushing is involved. Arrghh. Yuck.

Hugh, please stop it. That's 3 days in a row now and all these accidents have been at home!!

Until next time

Nicole x

Cracker Night.

2009-06-07T19:08:00.009+10:00

That time again - The Queens Birthday Long Weekend!

Which in Canberra means one thing .... FIREWORKS!! I still can't believe that here in the ACT it is is legal to buy and let off fireworks in your own backyard and they sell them to absolutely anyone ... including my brother.

This year I decided I'd host the fireworks display and bash at our place as that way we could sit back and enjoy ourselves, have a few drinks and not worry about the boys being tired as we could just put them to bed when they were ready.

It was a great night. I cooked so much food, TOO much food I think and oh I made a mudcake and my golly was it the BEST MUDCAKE I HAVE EVER TASTED OR MADE!!! I've finally mastered the mudcake I think. Everyone was talking about it. It would have probably been cheaper to buy one in the end as the way I make it involves two big blocks of good quality chocolate plus a dozen other ingredients including numerous eggs!

The boys seemed to love the fireworks and both crashed by 9pm.

It was such a good night that I'm thinking I might just host cracker night again next year (if they don't ban the fireworks as there is talk of this every year).

I'll end this entry with photos of the night.

~The fireworks~

(Oh and for those wandering ... $115 of fireworks takes roughly only 20-30 mins to burn - ouch)

~Julian & Hugh fighting over the sparklers~

~My brother using the Sparklers for all the wrong reason~

~Hugh and his Sparkler~

~The look of concern as my brother decides to light a cracker in his hands~

~The result when you light crackers in your hands~

~Luke spent the night sweeping~
(lol in all the photos there is Luke in the background trying to clean up the ash from the driveway ... he wouldn't relax bless him!).

So that was our night.

Until next time

Nicole x

Slow down!

2009-06-05T16:28:00.003+10:00

Have I told you all that Julian is on the move now? Not just a little crawl here and there but seriously on the move. He can crawl from room to room and I just love it, especially when he can't see me and will crawl around the house trying to find me. Bless him. Makes me feel so loved.

He is such a curious little guy and constantly has to touch something, do something, be involved in something, basically anything! I'm not one to brag about my children and say how brilliant etc etc they are so all I'm going to say here and now is watch this space.

There is something very UNIQUE about Julian. Spooky almost. The things he knows and does amazes me. I've said it before but he has either been on this earth plane before or I have a genius child in the making. I hope its the first and not that later. Nothing wrong with being intelligent but I just hope he is a little above average and not too genius like (something he doesn't get from me lol).

Enough of that as like I said I could go on and on about the things he does (like untie and almost tie shoelaces - you read correctly) but I don't like to sound like I'm bragging and heck what Julian does could be completley normal.

So back to my precious little guy. I love him so so much, my heart actually burns and hurts. The sad thing is and something I don't like admitting but I don't remember feeling like this with Hugh? Maybe because of what I went through with Julian has made me closer to him but he is just such a special and precious little soul.

Speaking of what I went through with Julian I had an x-ray for him today. He was so well behaved too and hardly cried at all while I had to pin him there on the table. I have another appointment next week with the hospital to talk about his lung issue. I'm sure nothing more will be said and again it will be another useless appointment. I hate that I have no faith in our doctors and heaven forbid something serious happen one day but unfortunately I'm yet to meet one who seems to know what they are talking about. Julians appointments are always so quick and I walk out feeling no better (or worse) than when I walked in. Maybe I should ask more questions?? My opinion though (and I'm not a doctor obviously) is that Julian is 100% healthy. He is a medical miracle and we'll leave it at that. He recently has had two colds and cough and dealt with them like any other 7 month old would. Now if he had some sort of lung issues going on I think he would have struggled a lot more than he did right? I really hope I'm not being naive in thinking all of this. I do take it seriously however I just believe whole heartedly that my boy is healthy and like any other 7 month old!

Julian Dean is a medical miracle. My medical miracle.

~Julian Dean~

(as he is today)

Until next time

Nicole x

I never realised until now ....

2009-05-30T20:10:00.002+10:00

Just how much I swear.

My gosh I must have a mouth on me, that or Luke does.

Hugh has picked up the dreaded "F" bomb. He has no idea what it means or that its a swear word, to him its just a word you use when your angry, mad or something doesn't go your way.

Its so funny though and I can't help but laugh when I hear him say to his Thomas trains "f**king Thomas and trains". Its so terrible and I'm such a bad mum. I admit I've been a bit stressed lately and I think I may have been dropping a few more F's to Luke than normal but gee he must pick things up quick. We don't swear that much in this house, honestly we don't. Hardly ever in fact. However when we do it must make a statement as Hugh seems to have decided to add it to his vocabulary.

What am I doing about it? At the moment not much. I've decided that the best option here is to ignore it as hopefully it will just pass. If I make a big deal about it I'm worried that he'll keep saying the word. Its so horrible though, very funny at the time but horrible. He sounds like he is from some rough family who constantly swear at each other which is hardly the case.

I dread the thought of him using this word on Fridays when he is at Childcare. Imagine what they'd think!

Until next time

Nicole x

* as I was writing this post Luke came in and mentioned that he thinks its him that swears most frequently. Thought so! Just knew it couldn't be me. Come to think of it, Luke does a fair bit, especially during football matches!!!

Would life be different?

2009-05-26T13:32:00.004+10:00

For the first time on the weekend this thought entered my head..

"What if I didn't have Julian and it were only Hugh and I"

Until then I honestly had not thought of life without Julian in it, in fact I can't imagine him not here. However for past 3 weekends in a row its been Hugh and I. Luke has stayed home with Julian while Hugh and I have done the rounds of birthday parties. So many parties, every weekend in May was fully booked!! So many parties in fact that I'm actually for the first time in my life (ready for this) over cake. Yep, cannot handle another slice or chocolate crackle for that matter.

Last weekend was another big weekend with two parties, one at lunchtime Saturday at a park and one Sunday at 10am for morning tea and games at a little girls house. Now can I add just here .... how adorable are little girls?? Especially the toddler age. There I was thinking my toddler boy was the cutest thing ever, but little girls, they are even cuter!!

I'm going off track here.

Anyway Monday there was a concert in town, Max and Milly from the Old McDonalds Farm TV Show. I bought Hugh and I tickets and left Julian with Luke. Luke is very fortunate to work so close to home but even more so that he can work from home some days. In fact he should do it more often, gives me a day off! Even if Luke is mean't to be 'working'.

Hugh LOVED the show and I would say was the most excited toddler there. As it was just Hugh and I on the way home I asked him if he wanted to stop for Coffee and he of course said"Ok" (his new favourite word). He just loves his babycino with lots of sprinkles and I can almost kill for my much loved Very Vanilla Latte. Try them, to die for and ever so sweet!

It was at this moment that I thought how life would be if Julian wasn't around. It would be easy. So easy. I don't think I realised how easy I had it before with only ONE child. You can do things, I had SLEEP (Julian is still waking in the night). Julian is also starting to turn, I'm not sure if its the age but he is becoming a bit more needy and gets really stressed in social settings. He isn't as out going as his brother and becomes awfully clingy to me whenever I take him from the comfort of his own home. It has me starting to worry a little, I thought Julian would cruise straight into childcare when I return to work in September as he is so easy going however lately, I'm starting to think it could seriously traumatise the poor guy.

I'll leave this entry with a few photos taken on the weekend.

~Yet another haircut~
(Hughs latest thing is he has to do it HIMSELF. Very. Very. Scary)

~Julian thought it was entertaining~
(Oh and he is due for his first cut soon, can you see that sideburn on his left ear. That is soon to go!)

Until next time

Nicole x

7 Months Old.

2009-05-20T14:03:00.005+10:00

Can you believe little Julian is 7 months old today.

My Julian is still the most sweetest boy you could ever meet. It amazes me at just how different he is to Hugh, honestly like Chalk and Cheese. Yes they look quite similar but personality wise, complete opposites.

~Hugh at 7 months~

~Julian (or as I call him JD) at 7 months~

Julian has started clapping which is a big surprise as I have no clue where he picked it up from? I've never clapped in front of him and neither has Hugh so perhaps its just a developmental stage.

He is crawling, holding himself up on his legs, loves food and .... still not sleeping through the night!!

I'm actually starting to think I'll still be getting up to Julian in his teenage years, obviously not offering him the boobie though (the only way to get him back to sleep).

Every day Julian amazes me and it still amazes me that his outcome was so grim all those months ago. Speaking of Julian and his lungs, I'm still not sure whats going on there. I don't like to think about it and to be honest don't give it much thought at all. I have another appointment with the specialist next month. These appointments I find quite useless, not much is checked and not much is said. I'm sure Julian is ok and he recently suffered his first cold and seemed to get over it quite quickly so this also assures me that his lungs are ok. I was also given a referral for an x-ray which I'm yet to get done for Julian. I think I'll go next week or the week after as it should be done before his appointment in 2 weeks.

Julian, I love you! Mummy loves you, Hugh loves, and daddy loves you. Thank you for the 7 joyous months you have given us so far and I look forward to the many, many, MANY more...

Until next time

Nicole x

Every child has one.

2009-05-16T17:48:00.008+10:00

Every child has one. You know the much loved teddy or toy. For Hugh its this guy...

~Franklin (aka Wanka)~

Meet Franklin or as Hugh calls him "Wanka". I'm not sure if I've blogged about Franklin before but I've been meaning to.

He was given to Hugh by my sister when he was born. Hugh didn't really take an interest in him until he was around 14 months old but since then they have been inseparable. Franklin has been on many trips with us, the coast, QLD, even to childcare once! I had the thought a while ago that if soemthing happened to him I'd need to replace him. However he is irreplaceable. The box he came in said "Wallace and Gromit" so I'm assuming he is a character from there somehow, however I've been unable to find a match. I've found similar rabbits but they are not Franklin.

So I left my search there, anyway Franklin was fine and in okay condition, he had made it through many spin cycles and had even been hung out to dry.

~hanging out to dry~

I liked Franklin and new 'his day would come' however, I never imagined it would end like this....

Last week I looked out Hughs bedroom window while in his room tidying up when I noticed some fluff on the lawn. I didn't think too much of it until closer inspection ...

Do you notice anything in this picture?? How about the ARM OF FRANKLIN!!!!!!!! Oh dear god I thought, no not franklin. Its ok, its ok, Luke can sew, he can sew him back together.

I'm afraid not. I think Franklin is beyond repair.

How did this happen..? Let me tell you it was MURDER. Who is to blame. Well I could blame Hugh for leaving Franklin outside but the main person at fault is

Brewstar!! American Staffordshire that obviously has quite the taste for stuffed toys. Breaking the news to Hugh was hard but we got through it.

Rest in Peace Franklin (aka Wanka). The guy honestly deserved better than that. Not a nice way to go by any means.

Until next time

Nicole x

I think he may have an addiciton....

2009-05-11T15:15:00.003+10:00

For the second time in the past week I've caught Hugh red handed. I don't know what is wrong with my child but why oh why do I keep finding him getting stuck into ...

~Coffee~

Yep thats right, the Nescafe. I think its time we remove that from the bench.

Surely it would taste disgusting straight out of the jar? Would it not be bitter? Right now as I'm blogging this entry Hugh is outside riding his tricycle. I think he may just have a bit of energy that he needs to burn off as this is how I found him 20 mins ago.

~That's not Vegemite, its coffee!~

~Yum~

I have no problem with coffee as lately its all that's getting me through the day. Both boys aren't well and I'm up all night with them. I'm that tired that I no longer know how I am, I hardly resemble who I use to be.

As for Luke, he doesnt help at night. Ever. Why? I think because he is selfish, however I cannot make him do it. I've tried asking, I've tried bribing, I even used the 'its mothers day tomorrow maybe just once in 7 months you can get up to Julian' but nope he actually did agree and said "Oh ok, just this once but this is the only time' and he still didn't get up.

Ladies out there who have a man that helps with the night callings think yourself VERY lucky as I don't have one of those.

Ok better go, I have one very engergtic child to look after.

Until next time

Nicole x

I slept.

2009-05-10T10:10:00.002+10:00

Well I got some sleep last night. Yay. However surprisingly I feel worse. I guess because yesterday my body didn't feel as though it was missing anything where as today I've only had a few hours sleep and my body is craving so much more.

Yesterday I remembered I had some rescue remedy which I had originally bought when pregnant wtih Hugh. I never got the chance to use it with Hugh (was planning on using it during labor) and with Julian I used it before my c/sec and I think it is just the best thing ever invented. I was that calm during my c/sec that it was almost spooky. Must have been the umpteen sprays I applied to my tongue before hand.

Rescue Remedy is a natural spray that calms the mind and calms you in stressful situations. It has a multitude of uses. Last night I sprayed some before bed as I was VERY anxious about not being able to fall to sleep. It seemed to work because by 10.30pm I was asleep. Unfortunately Julian is back to waking multiple times in the night and I was up to him which was VERY hard last night.

If only I had one of those men who would get up to the baby and help. Luke can be very selfish at times, it wouldn't matter that its mothers day today or even if it was my birthday. Oh well. What can you do, I can't physically make another person help me.

Happy Mothers day all.

Until next time

Nicole x

This is a first.

2009-05-09T13:03:00.002+10:00

I never in my life thought this was possible, but last night I proved that it was.

I did not sleep, not one minute. I have not slept since Thursday night when I had 4 hours sleep.

Why?

I have no f**Ken clue.

Well I do, I think I'm suffering insomnia lately. I'm just having a hard time falling to sleep and some nights won't fall to sleep until 3-4am but at least I fall to sleep and get 3 hours.

Julian is still waking and most nights I get 5 hours broken sleep. Thats fine, I'm ok with that. What I'm not ok with is laying there unable to fall to sleep yet incredibly tired.

Its Mothers day tomorrow and I know that I will feel worse tomorrow and I have a lunch with family that to be honest I'd rather not go to. I can't sleep today as I've just got back from Hughs first birthday party and Luke is out. I'm looking after the boys.

I'm scared, I'm scared this will happen again. I honestly have not had one minutes sleep. I didn't even fall to sleep for 10 mins last night. Nothing.

Whats crazy is I swear I got my period last night but haven't had anything since. Was I hallucinating? I swear there was pink tinged mucus, possibly the start of my period??

Gee so soon. I guess I won't be as lucky as I was last time to go 11 months.

Ok better go as my eyes are stinging.

Until next time

Nicole x

I have learnt...

2009-05-04T15:23:00.002+10:00

That you shouldn't give arrowroot biscuits to a 6 and a half month old.

Thats twice this week that I've saved him from near death. Those biscuits look deceivingly safe. I think we'll stick with plain ole rusk sticks in near future!

Until next time

Nicole x

Facebook. Are you on it?

2009-05-03T10:53:00.003+10:00

What did we do before facebook? mobile phones, and the INTERNET for that matter...

I'm not sure how long facebook was around before I joined but I do know EVERYONE was talking about it and I never really got it to be honest, that was until I joined. Then I was hooked. I think I've been on facebook now for over a year and I LOVE it.

So what I'm asking is ... are you on facebook? If so and your not already a friend of mine then I'd love to get to know you a little better. Please leave a comment in my blog and I'll add you as a friend. I'd prefer not to put my full name here so I'll message you with my details or you can message me with yours.

I look forward to meeting you all. See you over at facebook.

Until next time

Nicole x

The Sisterhood Award.

2009-05-02T10:47:00.004+10:00

What is this Sisterhood Award I hear you ask?

Its an award that you pass on to other women whose blogs you read that you find encouraging, uplifting and inspirational.

I'm so unbelievably flattered that Kakka has nominated me. First of all, Kakka, what is your name? I don't even know it! Surely its not Kakka? It was only recently that I discovered Kakka read my blog when she left a comment a few months ago. So I am overwhelmed that she nomintated me for this.

I must list 5 other women who I would like to nominate and my reason why.

First I must start with Averil. Wow, what can I say here. I started reading Once upon A Dream way back when Averil wrote her very first diary entry over at Essential Baby in 2005. From that entry onwards I was hooked. Averil's entries are always heartwarming, honest, captivating, inspirational and always very funny.

Averil and her entries have been a part of my life now for over 3 years! To me Averil is a superstar. I look up to her in more ways then she realises, I aspire to be like her. She is an incredible women and deserves this award more than any person I could think of.

Thank you Averil for inspiring me and lighting up my day every time I read one of your latest entries. Don't ever stop!!

My next nomination would have to be to the sweetest person you could ever meet. I've never met Melissa but I can guarantee she would be as sweet as sugar (if not sweeter) in real life. Melissa writes so candidly and from the heart in all her entries. Melissa's blog The Things I'd Tell You is always honest and one of the most beautifully written blogs. Melissa you really do write so openly and freely, you have a true gift there and thank you for sharing your thoughts, love, heartache and yourself with us, your blog really is inspirational.

Another blog I read originally as a diary on Essential Baby is Shannons Blog, Twocentpiece's Two Cents. Now for those of you who don't know Shannon or her blog then you really are missing out. Shannon is the most STRONGEST and COURAGEOUS women I think I'll ever come across. What Shannon has been through is more than anyone's fair share of hardship. I check in on Shannon daily as she has become someone who I care about as if she were family. She has become somewhat of an older sister, I look to her for inspiration, encouragement and it always amazes me just how well Shannon is coping. I know if I were in similar shoes I don't think I'd be as strong as her. She really is an amazing woman!

My last award (and yes I'm only choosing 4) goes to Naomi. Now if you want to read an inspiring blog then head over to Naomi's at Pink Licorice. Wow, this amazing woman does it all. Honestly, it all. Every time I read Naomi's blog I feel inspired yet also incredibly embarrassed. Naomi looks after 4 children all on her own, two of which are twins, one of these twins (the gorgeous Zach) has been diagnosed with Cerebral palsy. Naomi creates almost everything. She sews, she bakes, if she wants it she'll find a way to do it herself. She is VERY inspiring. Naomi, you honestly do amaze me and every time I read your blog I walk away thinking "Nicole, you really should do more" You INSPIRE me to do more.

*oh and for those that don't know. Naomi whom I looked up on facebook, contacted, sounded like a loony, then months later she found me on EB (all an act of fate if you ask me) is the mother of Ashlee. Luke's daughter. A very long and twisted story that one. I must get to it one day.

So there you have it. My nominations. I hope you enjoyed reading about them and make those blogs a part of your regular blog list.

Until next time

Nicole x

Julians Christening.

2009-04-28T13:47:00.005+10:00

The Christening has been and gone and Julian Dean has now officially been welcomed to the Catholic Church.

Are we religious? Well I think we are catholic but by no means are we religious. I grew up somewhat aware of God, Jesus and the like but never attended church. My boys will be the same, however we will be sending them to a catholic school so they'll know more than I ever did on the subject.

Back to the day. The Christening itself was really a non event. To be honest I just wanted it over and done with, nothing huge or spectacular. I feel a bit sorry for Julian as Hugh had a much bigger Christening where we actually invited people. Poor Julian just had relatives, still it was a lovely day and my little boy stole the show.

~Julian delectable as ever in his little white suit~

It was all about the suit. You see Hugh was Christened in the exact same suit at 7 months and as Julian is 6 months now and twice as big as Hugh was I was so worried about it not fitting him and was impressed at how well it did fit him. Yay.

Julian was such a well behaved boy at the ceremony and listen contently at everything the priest had to say.

~Listening to every word~

He was so tired as he had been up since 10.30am and was due for bed at 12.30-1pm (the ceremony was 1pm) yet was still so well behaved. The only time he cried was during the baptism itself when in the subzero degree temperatures that it was that day the priest dipped his poor little head into the holy water.

~Julian was not happy having his poor little head wet~

There was only one other baby being Christened that day so lucky for Julian it wasn't long before we took him home and straight to bed. Back at our place we enjoyed lots of champagne, food and of course the cake while the boys watched the football.

~The cake (a marble mud)~

I'll end this blog entry with a few more photos.

~ A Family shot (very rare these days)~

~My fave photo - check out the expression~

Oh and the funny story behind the photo above. The priest was blessing Julian with some 'holy oil' or something. Anyway after the ceremony was finished Luke comes to me and says

"The priest was little fast and loose with the oil"

As Luke had just blurted it out of nowhere I asked what the the heck he was on about it. Luke then pointed to his pants. His pants had the biggest oil mark on them. During the above photo the priest had somehow managed to splash Luke and his nice pants with oil. For those that know Luke and remember previous entries on Luke and stains etc Luke was not happy. Why does it always happen to him.

Until next time

Nicole.

My guilty secret.

2009-04-24T15:02:00.002+10:00

I have secret.

I've had it for over 6 months now ... and my god I've been feeling guilty about it.

I'm not one to keep things from Luke and to go on the sly and do things behind his back but this little secret is something I just couldn't tell Luke. You see there is NO WAY Luke would have allowed it. So sneaky little me decided to just do it anyway.

The secret ...

I hired a cleaner. Yep, I'm paying someone to clean my house once a fortnight. This itself is something that is very hard yet also very easy for me to do. Hard because I feel bad paying someone to do my dirty work, yet easy because quite frankly lately I just haven't the time! I love a clean house and take great pride in having a clean and tidy house. However with two boys and one of those boys a very messy toddler it was all getting on top of me. I previously dedicated an entire Saturday to cleaning the house. YES A WHOLE DAY. Sorry but I want my Saturdays back so I decided to just bite the bullet and get one.

The sneaky part. Luke.

I had asked BEGGED dozens of times for a cleaner but every time Luke just said no. Luke would always come out with "I'll clean the house if you don't want to". Yes Luke will but its a male version. Have you seen the male version? A quick vacuum here, a wipe there and not a mop or scrubbing brush (or even chemicals for that matter) in sight!

So back in November I found a cleaner and since then Kim has been coming once a fortnight. I admit she doesn't do as good a job as me but it does help having it done once a fortnight.

How could I do this without telling Luke? Let me tell you its been hard and I've felt incredibly guilty taking money out of the account sneakingly.

What would happen if Luke were to come home one day and find a cleaner in the house..?

I worried about this also, however today it become a reality. I was sprung!

Poor Kim. Today I went to the shops with Julian and left Kim to clean the house. Little did I know that Luke was on his way home. Oh dear. I called Luke while at the shops to see if he wanted to meet me for coffee as he works across the road. He said ok. Luke arrives and all is normal until he comes out with ..

"So how long have we had a cleaner".

Gulp. Oh dear. I had to come out with it. Luke told me that he decided to come home for lunch and noticed a car in our drive way. He went in to investigate and saw some woman in our house with a mop in her hand. He said if it wasn't for the mop in her hand he would have called the police!! He thought we were being robbed as she drives a station wagon so he had envisioned his 106cm Plasma being loaded onto the back of it.

So my secret is out. I just hope I get to keep this secret. I get the feeling Luke will talk to me later about it. I feel like a little girl in trouble.

Am I bad?

Until next time

Nicole x

6 Months Old.

2009-04-20T09:24:00.003+10:00

Julian is 6 months old today. This is also the day that they recommend you start feeding your baby solids. So hard to imagine not starting Julian on solids until today. He has been on solids now for almost a month and he is LOVING food. His favorite food is still prunes, followed by grapes and then pumpkin and parsnip!

However I did give Julian a whole apple yesterday and didn't he just sink his, well ok, not teeth, as he hasn't got one yet (yay!) but he sunk those gum's right into the apple.

Julian at 6 months has really become himself. He is just so full of personality these days. Every day I get a glimpse of the boy, MAN he will be. Julian is very sweet natured, quiet, reserved and VERY inquisitive. He must touch everything, pull everything apart and decipher things with his mind, eyes and then hands.

How about this. Julian can even undo shoelaces - no kidding! Its one of his favorite things to do. At first I thought it was a coincidence when he untied my mums shoe laces but he went on to do it another 5 times. On the 6th attempt he was bored and went for something else.

Julian is just the most sweetest, delectable little soul I've meet and I love him to bits.

Happy 6 Months
Julian Dean

Until next time

Nicole x

Is it safe to say yet?

2009-04-15T20:19:00.003+10:00

I think I've done it. I think WE have done it. I think its done and dusted. Its over. All the anticipation and fear it caused, and me of course me putting it off. I think its safe to say .....

Hugh is toilet trained.

Hellabloodylooyah!

Now how easy was it? Simple, not hard at all. Easy in fact, TOO EASY. My problem was my fear, I hated the wee on the floor the mess it made that I'd train him for a day and put him back into a nappy the second he had an accident. This went on for weeks. Some days he was in nappies, others not, some times for an hour sometimes for two.

A few weeks ago I just bite the bullet and said, actually I didn't bite any bullets I just realised that it was me holding him back. I had to face my fear and I knew the only way he would become toilet trained was by .... ditching the nappies (insert the DA DA DA music).

So on some random day a few weeks back I said today is the day, no nappies. Not at all. If he has an accident and I know he will then I will not freak out and put him back in a nappy but instead put him back into undies. Well as you guessed there was a few accidents as the poor guy was so used to wearing a nappy that it was a HUGE shock for wee to dribble down his leg. It honestly took two accidents and he caught on. The next day one accident, by day three no accidents and were still going strong!!

He wears a nappy at night of course and when we go out I put him in a pull up which he always returns home in and its completely dry. He has even started to go to the toilet while out which is great. My next step .... no pull ups when out in public. I just can't bear the thought of a public accident for him and more so myself. The embarrassment. I can just imagine that in the fruit and vege section at Woolworths.

So I am proud to say that my boy is toilet trained. Well done Hugh. And yay to me, I was so keen to have him trained by his 3rd birthday and it looks I've done it with only 3 months to spare.

My tips. (and who would want them from me anyway hee hee).

Wait as long as possible. I actually think leaving it so late helped him. He had been ready for months but me putting it off actually made it less stressful when the time came. He honestly was trained within 3 days.

Another tip would be to ditch all nappies. Honestly you can't train a child in a pull up, nappy, or anything that is remotely absorbable.

I really hope its as easy second time around with Julian. Speaking of Julian he is 6 months next week so I'll update on him shortly.

Until next time

Nicole x

I love Mummy's ...

2009-04-05T14:21:00.004+10:00

"boobies"

That is what Hugh said to Luke last night. Can you believe it! It was quite an odd thing for him to say really as I don't think I've referred to them as boobies in front of him.

It happened last night. Hugh was getting out of the shower with Luke when he noticed my breast pads on the floor, he saw them and said "I love Mummy's Boobies".

Now Hugh was always a boob man and I breastfed him until he was 13 months so perhaps he remembers. He often watches me feed Julian but I always say Julian is having some milk or mummy's milk, not boobies. I did call it BooGee when Hugh was little.

It gave Luke a laugh anyway. I wish we had recorded it as that would be one very embarrassing video to show him at his 21st ...

Until next time

Nicole x

Little Mr "I do it myself"

2009-04-02T11:54:00.006+11:00

We are well into solids now with Julian and I'm happy to report .... he LOVES FOOD!! Yay.

However, I am noticing a bit of trend lately, I think Mr Julian Dean prefers to feed himself. At so young I know! He is only just over 5 months old and is already fighting me for the spoon at every feeding. The following pictures prove the above point.

~Fighting me for the spoon~

At the end of each feeding I just give him the spoon but happens next amazes me. He begins to feed himself.

~Feeding himself at 5 months~

There is just something about my Julian, I've said it before and I'll say it again, he just knows too much and seems a little too wise for a baby. I believe Julian is an old soul, one that has been here many times before. There is something just so mysterious about my gorgeous little boy that I still can't quite put my finger on. However one thing is for sure ...

I love this little guy to bits and my heart just melts and breaks into a gazillion pieces every time I see his gorgeous face.

~How could this cheeky little grin not melt your heart!~

Until next time

Nicole x

Horrible Hugh.

2009-03-24T11:00:00.002+11:00

I hope its a 'I am almost three' thing because lately Hugh is just Horrible!!

If I'm not being spat at all day by my own son, I'm being hit. He is just so hard to handle at the moment and on days like these (which is almost every day of late) he makes it so hard to love and see the good side of him.

It must be incredibly frustrating being two almost three but it still doesn't help the fact that I'm spending my days basically being beaten up by him.

Still I know this is just a stage and will pass. At the moment I'm cutting back on his processed foods as I admit, he has been eating far too many muesli bars, muffins and home baked treats of mine. I think that could be triggering his outbursts and then there is his lack of sleep. We have dropped his day sleeps even though some days he may need one but I find if he sleeps then he is up until 10pm -11pm at night, something I don't want.

I'm just learning as I go. I hope that by the time Julian starts to challenge me I've been there and done it all with Hugh and will have a few 'tactics' up my sleeve because right now I have nothing.

Until next time

Nicole x

Starting Early.

2009-03-22T20:56:00.005+11:00

My littlest man is now 5 months old and I've done something I thought I'd never do ... start him on solids - a WHOLE MONTH early.

I just had to. I had to do it for him. I don't see what waiting 4 weeks would achieve? He is ready, he is showing all the signs and the poor guy is barely 6kgs. To illustrate my point I took a photo of my little (only in the weight area) boy.

~My skinny mini~

Just look at how skinny he is. It breaks my heart. Its not like I don't feed him frequently either. I feed on demand, always have done, always will. I've never been one to feed a baby by the clock. I just feed whenever they want the feed, even when they don't at times (nothing works better at calming an upset baby like boobie milk!).

So yesterday was the day. I'd been anticipating this day all week. I had the rice cereal (Rafferty's Garden), a newly purchased stick blender, his bowl, a bib, the spoon, I had it all and decided that Saturday was the day.

At 11am Julian woke and he had some breastmilk then at 12pm it was time. As I was preparing everything for him I had to fight back the tears, I just felt so emotional about it all. Its strange but I'm finding things a lot more emotional this time around. Maybe because he is my last baby? Now is he?? I don't know what it is but I just don't want him growing up so fast - sob sob.

So back to it. I popped him in the high chair and he looked so pleased with himself sitting there in the highchair all by himself. He was a big boy now.

~my big boy~

Then the moment came, I offered his first spoonful and he just looked at me.

I offered again and this time he took some but with utter disgust on his face.

~his first taste of solids~

I was persistant, I keep offering and making lots of funny faces and sounds (which Hugh seemed to enjoy) but he just wasn't having it. Something however that did take his fancy was his bib. Bless him.

~Its not good when material tastes better than the food~

So what was day 1.

Day 2. Today. and WOW what an improvement and what 24 hours can do - somebody stop the boy!! Its like I'd whipped up a nice sirloin and disguised it as rice cereal he just couldn't get enough. There were moans, grabbing of the spoon, he was just a different boy completely.

~his in heaven~

So I guess there is no turning back now. Julian is now on his way to one of lifes pleasures that is food. I just love to cook and enjoy making meals for boys every night and all I hope is that Julian loves his food as much as his brother does. I have a feeling he will. I've always said that my boys will eat us out of house and home and I do think they will. Can you imagine it? Two teenage boys in our house and I'm to feed them. Actually whats more concering is a teenage Hugh! He eats more than Luke and I together!!

Until next time

Nicole x

How a day can turn.

2009-03-20T13:16:00.000+11:00

Yesterday was like any other day and I never would have thought that it would end up the way it did.

Hugh was Hugh, full of energy and keen to get out of the house. I too was, well not so full of energy as little Mr Julian Dean is still waking during the night - grr. Well as I was keen to get out of the house also, had planned a day at the shops for the boys, we would meet Luke, perhaps even catch the bus again. Well thats what I had planned anyway.

Julian woke up right on cue at around 1pm and I began to feed him. Hugh was in the bathroom playing with the taps, I'd just been in there and told him not to run the water at full blast and he stopped. When I left Hugh he was in the bathroom playing with his bath toys. I wasnt worried about Hugh at all as he often goes in and out of the bathroom and will climb up on the bath and sink etc.

I fed Julian and just as I was burping him heard a little bang then Hugh cry. I got up to go get Hugh as he always gets sooky when he falls and wants me to pick him up or give him 'magic ice'. I walked into the bathroom (while still carrying Julian) and saw Hugh, he was ok, crying a little but not as much as he normally does. I asked him what had happened and he grabbed his head and said 'magic ice'.

*if your curious about Magic Ice and what it is I wrote this entry on it a while ago, its just ice except its magic as it makes all pain disappear lol*

As Hugh and I walked out the bathroom I noticed blood, not just a little drip here and there but blood EVERYWHERE. I looked at Hugh and could see it literally pouring from his head. At this moment I knew he had cracked his head. I remember my inner dialogue so clearly I kept saying to myself "Ok Nicole, we have a cracked head, we can do this, we can deal with this, stay calm. Its just blood, probably worse than it looks, don't call Luke just yet you can do this'. I grabbed a tissue to soak it up but it was hopeless, it was drenched in blood within seconds. I then went for a washer and at this point thought it was best I put Julian down (I was still carrying him).

I grabbed a washer and cleaned up Hugh and could finally see the cut.

~His first (and unfortunately probably not the last) cracked head~

The above picture doesn't really show it too clearly but there was a major slash in his head. It wasnt just a cut or scrape, there was a big chunk missing out of his head. Hugh seemed ok almost back to his normal self, wasn't crying and kept saying 'Hughie see friends'. The poor boy wanted to go out. I told him we wouldn't be seeing friends, more like seeing the doctor. So I made an appointment and was able to get him in, in 20 mins.

I was so nervous about taking Hugh to the doctor as last time we were there he screamed the place down and kicked the doctor as he tried to listen to his chest. This time I thought Hugh would be worse as the doctor would need to look at his head. However, Hugh surprised me and was ok. The doctor even managed to glue Hugh's head. Wow. Maybe Hugh was a little concussed after all? However Hugh while waiting in the waiting room kept pointing to people and yelling at the top of his lungs .. "Lady to go time out!". Its so embarrassing but Hugh at the moment is going through a stage of yelling at the top of his lungs and i hate it!

So that was our day yesterday. I never thought I would have ended up at the doctors with Hugh almost requiring a stitch.

Julian through all this was the angel that he is, oh how I love that boy, bless his little cotton socks he is just the sweetest darling of them all. The love I feel for him is almost painful. Oh and he is 6kgs now I think. Oh and another thing .... he is 5 months today and I'm starting him on solids tomorrow - gulp!

Until next time

Nicole x

Cold times coming.

2009-03-16T14:30:00.003+11:00

The cold times are coming.

This morning when Luke and Hugh went outside to put Hugh's nappy into the bin (yes he is still in nappies but we are getting there!!) Hugh said to Luke

"cold times coming"

How weird is that?

I think its weird and a little spooky as I wasn't aware Hugh knew about seasons. We have never spoken about seasons with Hugh and its not like we said 'oh its cold this morning' or something.

Sometimes I think children just *know* things, I think we all do when young but we just lose our ability or more so tend to ignore such feelings and knowings.

Hugh was right though the cold times are coming. In Canberra its gets mighty cold. I wander if we'll get snow again like last year?

Until next time

Nicole x

Another Baby?

2009-03-13T16:28:00.003+11:00

I'm so embarrassed.

Does anyone read Take 5 Magazine? If so did you happen to notice Luke and myself...?

Ok let me explain. Luke and I both are very interested in all things spiritual, but without going further into detail too much there we are also interested in tarot, auras, astrology etc etc. So recently when I noticed in Take 5 they have a psychic section and offer aura readings I thought I'd send a picture in and see what happens. Almost instantly the lady (Jenny Smedly) replied. She told me she was inundated with requests however would love to do a soul mate reading on Luke and myself. I said ok even though my original requests was for the boys as I sent a photo in of us all along with a photo of Luke and myself. This was last year in December, I had forgotten about it until this week when my sister informed us we were in the magazine!

I'm so embarrased. I shouldn't be but I am. I really wasn't asking if Luke was my soul mate (which apparently he is ... who would have thought? - hee hee). Anyway the first thing she said was she sees another baby for Luke and Myself. Instantly I sent Luke out for condoms. No seriously, I think I need to. You see I'm not on any contraception at the moment as with Hugh my periods didn't return until he was 11 months and the mini pill just messed with me. I will re start the pill once my period returns. She also said that she sees us moving and that Luke will travel with work.

Now something else I haven't told you is that for Luke's birthday I bought him an hour reading with a psychic. It was such a spooky coincidence or fate perhaps but I managed to find the same psychic we had years ago at psychic fair. She was amazing. She told us we would have Hugh which at the time was hardly even a thought in our minds, she also told us we would move house which we thought was absurd as we had only just bought our first home. Well what do you know? We had Hugh and we bought another house only 1 year after buying our first which no one saw coming (except that psychic).

As I was buying Luke a voucher for her I thought I'd have a reading also. This is what was said

Her: "Are you thinking about having a baby"

Me: "What do you mean?"

Her: "Its just that I have a baby here, you'll have a baby" as she points to the card

Me: "Do you mean in the future, or just had a baby"

Her: "No the future, this baby is waiting, why did you just have a baby?"

Me: "Yes" with a worried look on my face.

Her: "Why how long ago did you have your baby?"

Me: "3 months"

Her: "Oh" with a shocked and worried look on her face.

I then questioned her more about this as I said I'm not even sure I want a third baby (and as she has been so accurate before) wanted to know if that means I'll be having a third and if so when. She told me that this little soul (she also told me the sex) is up there waiting if we decide to have another baby, if we don't then this little baby and soul will travel with me always and be close to me.

Now I'm not sure if she was only saying that because I was worried about this baby and made it quite clear in my response that I wasn't at all keen for this baby. But it did worry me. Three children? Arrgh.

Ok so Luke has his reading last week and she asks "Are you trying for a baby" (she had no clue he was my partner) " I see a baby around you". Luke palmed it off and said "no not trying for a baby, no baby".

So what do you think?

I'll tell you what I think .....

CONDOMS!

Until next time

Nicole x

How much fun is ....

2009-03-12T14:09:00.003+11:00

Ten Pin Bowling!

There is something about the retro Ten Pin Bowling that brings enjoyment to me every time I play. Perhaps its the smashing of the pins?

This morning I took Hugh for his first ever bowl and the verdict. He loved it! He even got to wear his very own 'bowling shoes' which of course are as daggy as the adults ones.

~Hugh wearing the ever fashionable bowling shoes~

At first Hugh was a little unsure but as I figured he managed the weight of the bowling ball (which was 6 pounds) with great ease.

~Hugh with his big bowling ball~

We used the ramp provided and of course the bumpers however the boys (Hugh along with his friend Jensen) did really well, I think Hugh even managed a strike at one point!

~Hugh lining up the shot~

However Hughs main fascination was the ball machine where the balls come out of. I had to keep my eye on Hugh at all times otherwise he would have ended up down the 'tunnel' as he called it.

~Hugh trying to push the ball back in the ball chute~

Where was my other little man during all this? Julian just kicked back in his pram, oblivious the bowling going on around him. Bless my little laid back (yet VERY serious) boy Julian.

~Julian trying to entertain himself at bowling~

The overall score? 86 and I scored 91. Not the best of scores but hey its not always about winning now is it?

Until next time

Nicole x

Why so skinny?

2009-03-09T11:41:00.002+11:00

My poor little baby. It just breaks my heart.

Last night when taking Julian into the shower with me I glanced into the mirror and noticed Julians ribs. Yes, you can see my babies ribs through his back when he breathes.

It really breaks my heart to see him so skinny. I feel like a horrible mother and feel as though I'm STARVING my child which surely I am not. I feed Julian every 2-3 hours and both boobs. I guess he is a little active but apart from that I have no clue why he is so skinny.

I'm thinking of starting solids, very VERY soon. Maybe a week or two. Julian isn't even 5 months yet, he'll be 5 months in 2 weeks.

Julian is only 5.8 kgs. He hasn't hit 6kgs yet. Remember now he was born at 4kgs and left the hospital at 4.3kgs so he really hasn't put on much at all.

However he is still growing (a lovely 68cms) and he is hitting all his milestones. I guess he is just a skinny baby, some babies are chubby babies and others are skinny babies. I just have a skinny one I guess but it still breaks my heart to see and feel his ribs.

Until next time

Nicole x

In case your wandering ....

2009-03-01T16:53:00.000+11:00

An emergency booking has been made for the hairdressers asap!

I've been butchered.

I think its best in future that Luke continues to cut only his and Hugh's hair.

Until next time

Nicole x

Oh and if your wanting before and after shots, sorry I just can't do that to Luke (or myself). We are both equally disappointed with the weekends efforts.

He was bitten!

2009-02-27T21:36:00.006+11:00

My poor little boy was bitten today.

As I waited for Luke and Hugh to come home tonight I heard Hugh before he had stepped foot in the house, he was not happy, almost hysterical. Luke said

"he is in a bit of a mood"

I asked why Luke replied

"he was bitten"

Excuse me? Bitten? Luke too thought the same thing when he went to pick him up today and saw Hugh sitting on a carers lap with a big icepack on his back. Luke actually thought he had been bitten by a spider or something when he was told he was 'bitten'. But no it wasn't a spider, in fact I think a spider would have inflicted LESS pain and most certainly left less of a mark. Hugh was bitten by a 3 year old, a 3 year old with a good set of teeth I'd say.

Tonight in the shower I saw Hugh's bite for the first time and honestly this photo does not do it justice.

~The bite~
(oh and those are water droplets not freckles!)

We weren't told which child had bitten Hugh as it is against there policy, the only thing that was said was that this child was a 'special needs' child. It doesnt matter to me who did it, all I wanted to know was what provoked the bite and surprisingly (and I really was surprised here) that Hugh didn't provoke anything. He was just sitting there happily when he was bitten.

Poor Hugh.

Still he soon got over that when he noticed that on the bench was an array of presents and a donut with a candle (I'm not slack I've made a cake but its for tomorrow night!). Yes it is Lukes 29th Birthday today!

~The distraction~

Happy Birthday Luke.

Ok better go and spend some time with a 29 year old. Gee were getting old!!

Until next time

Nicole.

I was Tagged.

2009-02-27T21:20:00.000+11:00

This is my first Tag game. Thanks Danni

Ive been tagged by Danni to partake in this game!

Here are the rules:

1. Go to the section of your computer where you store all of your photos.

2. Select the 6th folder.

3. Select the 6th photo from that folder.

4. Post and explain about that picture.

5. Tag 6 other people

My 6th folder on my computer at the moment is a folder titled "Brewstar". This is Brewstar and I have NO CLUE why I took this photo LOL. I obviously had the camera in my hand and perhaps I thought he was cute at the time. Looking at the date, this was taken before Hugh was born, Hugh would be born 2 months later.

Looking at Brewstar in this photo, he looks so young, he is also inside which is no longer. Brewstar is the best dog anyone could ever ask for, its just a shame that Luke doesn't think so. Luke has never really accepted Brewstar (Brewstar was my families dog, I took him when I moved out of my parents place). He is also Hughs best friend.

Now lets see, who else can I tag, how about Kim, Averil, Melissa, Naomi, Donna, and anyone else who wants to join in on the fun!

Until next time

Nicole x

Do I let him?

2009-02-25T16:15:00.000+11:00

I've mentioned before in my blog about Luke and his metrosexual ways haven't I?

How he is FANTASTIC at sewing and cuts his OWN hair and has since the age of 14. Luke has not stepped foot into a hairdresser since he was in primary school and it looks as though Hugh will never get his haircut at the hairdresser either. He does a superb job on both his and Hugh's hair. However they do have the same head shape and hairstyle so Luke has this 'style' perfected.

My hair desperately needs another haircut and I keep mentioning this to Luke. I just have to find the time to take myself off to the hairdresser. Every time I mention I need a hair cut, Lukes eyes light up. You see, he wants to cut my hair (insert some SERIOUS jaws music here!).

Hmm, do I let him?

To be honest I'm incredibly nervous. He has never cut anyones hair but his own and Hugh's, and as I've mentioned they have the same head shape and hair. He hasn't yet been challenged with 'girls hair'. He often talks about how he would want to cut his daughters hair if we ever had a daughter and that it must be simpler than boys. I would most definitely let him cut our daughters hair if we had one as it will be a growing process. I'm sure he'll figure it out and perfect it along the way as her hair grows and matures. However, my hair, well its already there, it has layers, a fringe ... oh dear lord, should I let him have a go??

I'm actually inclined to let him have a go as what do I have to lose? If he really stuffs it up it will just mean one embarrassing trip to the hairdresser to fix it.

I think I'll let him have a go this weekend. Though I do know I'm doing it more for him than me. The things we sacrifice for our loved ones hey - I just never thought it would be my hair!!

Until next time (and I WILL take photos of the before and after)

Nicole x

I'm Back!

2009-02-23T10:27:00.002+11:00

I just can't neglect my blog, I just can't.

So much has happened since I last wrote, probably too much to even blog about, but the good news is ....

~ The cause of my absence Julian at 4mths~

This little (or not so little) guy is sleeping much better. He is back to only waking once, maybe twice a night and is easily settled. Ahh bliss. I feel so much more normal now with 4 - 5 hours sleep!

Since my last entry

* Julian is back to sleeping much, much better. What did I do different?? I stopped giving him his nightly bottle of formula. Can you believe it?? Was it the formula?? I started giving him formula as I thought he may have been waking up hungry. I also now offer Julian both boobs per feed (yes I hate to admit it but, I've always been a 'one boob feed' girl *blush*)

* I had Julian weighed and measured. He is currently on the 95th percentile for length and height, however his weight concerned the health nurses. Julian was only 5.6kgs. He had put on only 500 grams since 7 weeks of age. This doesn't concern me too much as Hugh was also quite little, I just don't make big chubby babies. For some reason, my babies are just skinny. Julian is being weighed and measured again on Friday for his 4mth needles.

* Julian is developing VERY fast, he can hold himself up, roll all over the place and I swear is almost crawling (NOOOO not yet!!).

* Hugh, well he is Hugh. I had him measured (finally) also and guess what .... he is the 10th percentile. I think its fair to say he takes after my side of the family. Hugh stands at only 90.5cms, Julian will be taller than him in a month - hee hee

* Hugh is 'coming along' with his toilet training. He does really well, its ME thats the problem. Some days I'm for it and other days I forget and he will just go in his nappy. I think the key here is to DITCH THE NAPPIES! Hugh has done a couple of poo's in the toilet and has no problem whatsoever weeing in the toilet unless of course we are out in public.

* Me well I'm still me. I'm at the point where I'm just feeling so cooped up. I love my children so dearly but some days I just feel thats all I am - a mum. I'm in desperate need for some 'me' time and am in the process of making time for me.

* Luke, he is Luke also (like he would be anyone else - hee hee) its his birthday Friday so he is getting older, almost 30! I think he is starting to look it too (don't tell him I told you either) I've noticed more than one grey hair in his hair lately. Hmm, Luke with grey hairs, I actually think thats kinda sexy!!

Ok so I'm back, lets hope Julian keeps on sleeping for me as just that extra hour or two at night makes the world of difference!

Until next time

Nicole x

If it could kill...

2009-02-11T15:12:00.000+11:00

If sleep deprivation could kill. I'd be dead.

I've never in my life been so sleep deprived. Until I'm more rested and feeling better this blog is on hiatus.

I hope to return soon.

Until next time

Nicole x

I'm still here.

2009-02-05T09:35:00.002+11:00

Sorry I haven't blogged for a while and there IS a lot to blog about however I just don't get the time to sit down to blog. Add to that even if I did have the time I wouldn't be able to type an entry due to the utter exhaustion I'm currently experiencing.

I've never in my life been this sleep deprived and its hell. Pure hell.

Julian is waking every night at midnight, 2am and 4-6am. Its not hunger, well sometimes he is hungry as I can tell as he just guzzles, however I thought I'd fix it by giving him formula. Now this is a decision I DO NOT TAKE lightly. For me to give my child formula means one thing - I'm completely desperate.

Didn't matter as it didn't work. On the nights I gave him formula he still woke.

I've come to accept that I just have a child that doesn't sleep at night this time. I mean if he did sleep at night he'd be pretty bloody perfect. He is such a good little boy who is hardly no trouble (except at night when he doesn't sleep).

I know this will pass and its bound to, its not a stage either as its been going on for 2 months. Surely a 'stage' is a thing of only weeks.

I just live in hope that Julian will soon sleep longer than 2-3 hours at night. Surely he won't be an 8 year old still waking so often..?

Until next time

Nicole x

Day 4

2009-01-28T20:08:00.002+11:00

We are on day 4 and can you believe NOT ONE ACCIDENT.

My golly am I lucky. What on earth happened?? He self trained himself, or perhaps I did do it?

(I should blog about things happening more often as I did mention in a previous entry that it would be nice if he would train himself)

Hugh is totally obsessed with the toilet at the moment and by obsessed I mean OBSESSED!!

I'm actually a little worried to be honest. Hugh loves going to the toilet that much that in 5 minutes he will do 3 wee's. He just keeps going and going and pushes until he can get the littlest of driblets out. Needless to say I have stopped giving him treats every time he goes.

I think he is just so proud of himself (that and he loves sugary lollies!!) that he keeps going. I'm frightened he is going give himself some form of bladder condition.

Tomorrow however will be the test. He goes to childcare and I fear it won't go down too well. Hugh is yet to do a poo in the toilet and as of today he hasn't gone at all. No poo. That means one thing .... double load tomorrow!! I really hope he is ok tomorrow and that he doesn't get too embarrased if he has an accident. I'm also worried as he will not go sitting down and still chooses to go standing up.

Luke even bought him a brand new wiggles soft padded toilet seat today to help, but nope, he just stood up and wee'ed on it. Damn. Still I'm not stressing too much as I'm just thankful he is going to the toilet.

My little boy looks so BIG in briefs and how cute and grown up do your toddlers look when you put them in a pair of bonds!?!

I'm just so proud.

Until next time

Nicole x

Progress is being made ...

2009-01-25T12:56:00.003+11:00

I haven't blogged about this yet for fear of jinxing myself but .....

Hugh has being going to the toilet!!!!!

Woo bloody Hoo is what I have to say about it. However, we do have a 'slight' issue. Hugh doesn't go like normal people, Hugh goes to the toilet like this..

~Hugh using the toilet~

Perhaps he is trying to be like dad and go standing up but its the only way he will go. I for one think its rather dangerous and one slip of his foot and he will be right on in there. Hugh today has not went once in his nappy! This is fantastic.

How did I do it?

I didn't. I have brought in 'treats' for every time he goes to the toilet and he soon learnt that every time mummy or daddy went to the toilet we each got a special treat which is chocolate of some form which at the moment is chocolate coated sultanas and maltesers. So if Hugh goes to the toilet he gets a little chocolate. For a child that loves food this is working fantastically.

Poo's however are not happening. He does one a day and generally in the morning but he refuses to go to the toilet. If he does a poo in the toilet he will get a present and he knows this. I'm just waiting for him to go but for some reason he hates it. Maybe because he can't poo standing up?

He is still in nappies so I'm not sure how long this will last. Is weeing in the toilet just a phase he is going through for a treat? Will it end? Or it will it continue. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Until next time

Nicole x

For those interested...

2009-01-22T13:41:00.005+11:00

I did it.

I didn't think I would but I did.

~before~

~after~

The answer for those interested .... sugar Soap, and the best god damn brush in this universe! The brush is called Dishmatique Flex or something . The best $5 I have ever spent. It just a normal dishwashing brush that you purchase from a supermarket.

~Every household should have one!~

I don't know how it goes when it comes to dishes as I'm ever so lucky and have a dishwasher - Luke. We do own a stainless steel dishwasher which has sat in the kitchen now for almost two years (as did the one in our old home) untouched and unused. I've never so much as opened it! Hate them, not a dishwasher fan to be honest.

Anyway back to this brush, I was that impressed with its efforts in removing permanent marker from my wall as well as rust around my stove top the other day that I was compelled to write to the company. I've never written to a company before regarding their products so this says a lot. Nicole was impressed, really impressed!

I tried magic erasers, spounges, some serious elbow grease, EVERYTHING to remove the marker but nothing worked, until I tried the brush. Perhaps its just my brush? Maybe I have some mysterical magic brush but it sure does work miracles. You should have seen my stove top, my beautiful stainless steel stovetop had all rust and brown marks on it, I tried everything and then tried this brush and wham ... it all disappeared. No elbow grease required.

If you come across this brush in your supermarket, buy one, well worth the money (or little money it is). Just make sure you get the 'heavy duty' one as thats the one we own.

I'm in love with a brush, heaven help me, I've even written a blog entry on it. I need sleep. (more on my sleep deprivation in another entry, Little J chooses to wake 2 hourly lately)

Until next time

Nicole x